I've not been diagnosed with Bipolar. I didn't even know about it, until Istarted dating someone who is not only exactly the same as me, but has type 2 bipolar. I have been depressed on and off for years, but most of the time I'm ok. I just seem to have mood swings and phases of severe depression. I often don't sleep. I obsess about things all the time. They become the one and only focus in my life. When I am really down I have awful thoughts of hurting myself. I used to self harm, but I don't anymore. I feel like I'm attention seeking even though I know I have a porblem. I'm starting to worry now though because it;s affecting my relationship. Luckily he understands me. The problem is I have a new bout of nightmares where he cheats on me and it's striking up trust issues on my part. Is this bipolar or am I just being silly? Where can I get the help I need? I have been to my drs and all they do is send me to a counsellor. I don't want to talk about thigns. I just end up making her believe that I'm ok and the sessions end. Then I have a down and I'm back to square one! Help me please. Where can I go and what can I do? Esther






Thanks for your reply.
I seem to be able to find jobs quite easily and to a degree hold them. The only job I've really stuck at was for just over a year as an estate agent. The obsessions are giving me trust issues with everyone, I feel like everyone is going to leave me all the time, whether its a friend, boyfriend or family member. The downs make me suicidal, but I seem to cope with the highs. I lose interest in things easily if I haven't got an obsession with them. I seem to have no constants. I seem to be ok a good 80% of the time and I want to fix myself, which I think is the most important thing. It's the 20% I can't cope with. My lows are so extreme that I can't listen to anyone or anything. I'm completely unreasonable. It's like doing a sum of 1 + 1 but in my head I get 5!! I panic desperately and get completely tensed up. It's almost as if there is a person in side of me dying to get out. In contrast though I can have solemn lows where I just cannot be bothered with anything, I don't sleep, I don't eat, I don't even go out of the house sometimes. I went to the Drs today and she gave me 2 website links to help me. That was it. There's an in house counsellor I can see once every 3 months and I don't like seeing her. Other than that I can go back onto anti-depressants. I know I will get better if I can stay in this state. I'm scared that sooner or later I am going to hit another low and I'm going to do something stupid.