I'm so sorry to hear about your difficult, painful situation. I was diagnosed with BiPolar disorder 28 years ago. I am presently in an emotionally stable state.  I don't know if your Ex has BiPolar for sure but when I was diagnosed early in my disease I read about a woman who acted similarly to your Ex. She infact had Bp.  It can take many forms.  But until you are able to get him to be compliant & take his meds he will not get better.  That is something I have personally come to understand & accept.  No one wants to take the the meds because they s--k, pardon me, but they have a lot of bad side effects; but if a person with Bp doesn't take them they have no quality of life.  So you see it comes down to the lesser of two bad situations...the proverbial 'stuck between a rock & a hard place'.  This will not get better without meds, therapy & emotional support for the person with Bp.  I would encourage you to contact NAMI they have support for families...they will help.  I hope things get better for all of you.  My heart goes out to you.  Hang in there...get some support for yourself.  peace  J