Chris,

Let me respond to each of your paragraphs, so that you have a point of reference for my comments.

My new goal in life is to work on my personal growth and NEVER stop. There's 17 levels of consciousness and it's only possible to reach one at a time in order. Right now I might be in the level of Courage, which is special because it's the "gateway level". But I‘m not for sure if that‘s the right level I‘m on right now from just what I‘ve learned so far. I want to get to the highest level of consciousness possible by the time I die. I think that way my life will be worth living. When I die people will say, "She lived a meaningful, fulfilling life." I'm going to do a TON more of reading and studying about it and find out as much as I can so I can do this.

You have a new goal and it seems increased goal-directed behavior.  This is associated with hypomania and mania.  It is a common for individuals with Bipolar Disorder to report subjective feelings of increased awareness.  You are talking about conciousness here and with levels of consciousness comes a new perpective of yourself and the world around you.  It is much like learning a new paradigm, a new way to view the world.  These levels can be likened to developmental levels that are a natural part of growth and learning.  They cannot be forced.  With Buddhism, ascending consciousness comes form intense study and practice.  Here again, is growth and learning.  There really is no way to force the proccess.   If you are not already aware of the American Buddhist, Ken Wilber and his works, "A Brief History of Everything" is a good source for an insightful explanation of the deveopment of consciousness.

This is one of the things me and my sister were talking about earlier when I was convinced we could read eachothers minds when we were having a really deep conversation. We don't strive for good grades and we don't care about holding down a good job, or any for that matter (we're both 18). And we're not really interested in the whole college thing. It sounds like we're just lazy and don't care about life. But we just care about OTHER things. We both agreed we want to be here on earth for our own personal growth and to learn as much as possible about ourselves, reality, people, and the world around us.

Often with individuals that are very close and have had a lot of interaction is the perception that mind reading takes place, when it is more likely that intimate knowledge leads to correct anticipation of resposes.  As twins, often with the same temperament, growing up in the same environment and sharing some of the same experiences, lends to and increases understand of each other.  Personal growth is a good thing but is is best used to to better the world around you, the community at large.  To do that, going to college to pursue and avenue to do this will be more rewarding than sitting in a box and becoming enlightened.

IDK how to explain it. It's like the world is the big puzzle and each puzzle piece has a clue to what life is about. I have all the puzzle pieces right in front of me. I can figure it out if I sit here and focus on it even though it will test my attention span and take me much longer than I want it to and other things. I just have to keep thinking hard and study and research and find and ask and never stop asking and I can put all the pieces together in my head.

The world is a puzzle and it is from what perspective you view the pieces that determines what life is about for you.  The picture changes over time with learning new paradigms and from experiential leaning.  This is part of development, increased awareness, understanding and natural proccess of conscious evolution.

I've learned so much lately, I mean in months off and on, mostly when I‘m manic (I was diagnosed bipolar 1, rapid cyclling, by just searching the web. I've learned what the levels of consciousness are, I learned all about quantum physics and our reality, I have many theories on bipolar disorder and other "mental illnesses" from all perspectives, I've started meditating, I learned about the Kundalini awakenings, a little about Buddhism, I've been "pondering the meaning of life", I've been so open to others' perspectives, I think about death and afterlife, and I've been questioning the meaning of life along with doing tons of research on it. I've never been so into all this, at least not at once! But it's all coming together all of a sudden. Damn, I just want to figure everything out. I don't really know where to start. I guess I'll continue learning about the levels of consciousness first because that's most important and most interesting right now.

This new topic seems very exciting to you.  Consider that you are engaging in thoughts and behaviors that are giving you an emotional high.  It is rewarding to feel excited about what you are doing and engaging in it may perpetuate the positive emotions and escalate them.  This may lead to an emotional state you have no control of.  The reward of emotion may be part of what you seek and partly the motivation for your behavior.  Learning to disengage from this activity and come down to a normal level of emotion may be something you may consider.  It seems like this has become addicting.

Am I going crazy, or will I feel differently when I come down? Am I even manic, I can't really tell anymore. I definitely have been feeling like I'm losing my mind and starting to wonder if other people are too. Do you think I've reached another level of consciousness and maybe I'm just thinking differently? I don't want to ever stop feeling like this. Is there a way I can make it last forever? IDK... my twin sis and I are going through the same things almost. She's paranoid just like me and says strange and weird things are happeing to her too. She doesn't live with me, but I know I can feel her emotions when we're apart. IDK... I just want to know if anyone knows what's going on with me cause I'm so lost and just really confused. I won't even lie... I'm half just looking for some reasurance that I'm NOT crazy and that this IS temporary. But at the same time, I'm hoping I am getting higher and reaching another level. I think this is long enough. THANK YOU so much.

From your statement about your diagnosis, I am not sure if you have been diagnosed by a professional or not.  If you have not it would be good to know for sure.  What you are going through may or may not result in serious problems.  The emotion you are experiencing should not be equated with higher consciousness.  If you are seeking enlightenment you must not rush it, it is more of a natural proccess.  If you force the emotion and continue to seek the high, you may push yourself into an emotional state with more negative feelings of being lost, confused and paranoid.  If you continue to have these symptoms, do not hesitate to tell someone and seek help.  Bipolar Disorder can be serious.  Whatever the cause is behind your symptoms, it may be best to find out.

oh, yeah.  i forgot...i have grown so much scince i started dealing with bp, i am so different that if people couldn't see my bp they wouldn't recognize me!!! i am like a whole new and more exciting person.  i was reborn.  this could be due to as i just am  realizing as i write this, to my religion...?? i am so dif. that no one would be able to recognize my personality if questioned about it.  i had to use that courage to get over a big, the biggest obsticle...i have an illness and i made myself deaf to, well my soul/spirit/heart, deaf to "the voices" i don't have these hallucinations any more!!!  it took alot of courage to face it and let it go and...i was reading the word of god and use a scripture to pray and it went away...it seemed to have worked!!!?i am still growing and learing stuff after stuff.  i am almost done with the last peace of it.  the last piece is to fine-tune the minor symptoms of bp.  and hopefully be able to live better.  all of my major ones are in my complete controll!!!---i think?

darkangel