Tuesday, December 16, 2008 Tom asks

Q: Are you being fair to all Bipolar people?

My marriage broke up while my doctors were pouring the anti-depressants down my throat and making me manic. My wife & parents committed me to a mental hospital (which was the right thing to do), but she held me responsible for things I said while I was insane. When they finally put me on the right medicine, after 2 months, I stabilized and kept calling her to patch things up. But she wanted a divorce.

I told her I was OCD when we were dating, because that is what the Doctors said I had. I was diagnosed around our 7th anniversary. I have always taken my medication. I have always been compliant and always will be.

Now we are both alone. I am functioning very well. I have not had any manic or depressive swings and I am not doing any of the sexual activity that ended the relationship. I could be such a good husband if she would give me one more chance. I was never on the right meds the whole time we were together.

Please pray for us and please give me some data or research to let her know that it wasn't me, it was the Bipolar Disorder.

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Answers (4)

Cmefly

12/16/08 11:18pm

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572243422/ref=cm_rdp_product

I have not read it all but I have heard many who like it. Hopefully it can give you and possibly your former wife some comfort.

Modern Occidental Philosopher

12/17/08 1:49pm

Takes a long time to get comfortable with ourselves. Question for you.....Are you being fair to yourself? Slow down and smell the roses in life. Time space, and love may be all she needs. :) In the meantime.....what other kinds of things do you enjoy doing? I personaly love to write. Am going back to college, being a dad and basicaly learning how to live all over again.

heartbreak

12/18/08 9:32am

I feel for your situation, but the reality is that there are consequences for behavior and we all must be responsible for what we have done (even if it was bipolar related). Sure everyone can say "forget the past and move forward" but the memories (especially if they are that painful) leave permanent scars. Much like healing a deep wound--the wound will heal, but the scars remain as a reminder. If your behavior included marital infidelity--that is a huge thing. Infidelity rips apart trust and intimacy. Once trust is lost in a relationship it takes a long time and hard work to earn it back. Two months is not enough time. Also, ask yourself what your behavior has been since the separation. Are you being supportive of her or are you still making accusations and blaming her for her choices when you've not fully accepted responsibility for your own. If she still sees or hears from you the same patterns as before---she is likely to remain guarded. Reestablishing trust takes a lot of effort and most of the work is required of the one who broke the trust. You must demonstrate accountability and provide open communication so that trust can begin again. Is it ever too late to fix a broken marriage? The answer is no. But you have to realize that the responsibility for doing the work it will take will be up to you and your current behavior. You may not have had a choice about your past behavior (if you believe that the biopolar made you do it), but under medication and treatment you have a choice about what you do now. In time, it is possible that your ex will see good behavior and good choices coming from you over a period of time. That is when trust can begin again and reconnections could be made. I do understand that the pain and consequences from bipolar do leave permanent scars on everyone. Give yourself time. You may also find someone else--which may mean that you never really wanted your ex completely.

Megan

12/21/08 12:10pm

I am dating a guy who is bi polar. Sometimes it's really hard becuase the things he will say and do and sometimes i think i should just leave him becuase i don't know if he really wants me around. Everyone tells me different things and what i should do with him, and it's hard to listen to your heart and what you really want not what everyone is telling you to do. My boyfriend has put me through some crazy things but i love him and i understand that he is the way he is eveyone has their faults, and it takes someone who is paitent and understanding to be with someone who is so complex. Maybe she just needs time to really think about what she wants and more importantly what she feels inside, i mean i want to have a guy who can be there all the time who can do anything for me as i do for him, but sometimes you need to look inside and see if you really love that person and if you would give up what you could have with someone else to be with someone who you really love. Understand that it's stressful I never know what the day will bring but i am ready to be there when it gets bad and when it's good. But i have to work had to stay postitve and stable but i wouldn't give it up for the world. Maybe she's not ready and if not you will find what you need in time.

Q: Are you being fair to all Bipolar people?

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