I am really struggling to help our kids (Ages 17 - 8) to understand and accept their dads bipolar. They know all the facts about BP - they know that it is something that he can't always control - but what I cant explain to them is how to cope with their feelings of how he treats them. When he is in one of his down cycles it is like we don't exist. We may get the silent treatment for a day, a week, or even longer. When he is not in a down cycle (he struggles more with depression than with manic ) he lectures constantly, makes rules that to other people and sometimes even me seem harsh. I know that he loves them, but I see a bitternes (expecially in the girls ) that I am afraid that is getting to the point that I can't fix it. My oher concern is that they will learn to accept that kind of behavior of men, and in turn wil end up in troubled marriages. I don't want them to lose respect for their father or men in general, but I want them to know that this is not how it should.
Q: As a mother of six (Blended family) how do I help our children understand about their dads Biploar ?
Oh my gosh!! I can't beleive there is another woman out there who deals with exactly what i am dealing with. Our husbands sound identical. I feel your pain. I have sat down with my children and explained what bp is. I pray with my children about their daddys disorder almost every night. I also worry that my girls are going to grow up and accept this kind of behavior from men. I have been to counselers and doctors to help me understand bp as much as possible. Is your husband on medicine? My husband after many years just admitted (accepted) that he has bp. He started meds less than a week ago. I hope they help him. He gets very distant from us for weeks at a time. It breaks my heart because my son will do anything he can just to get his daddys attention. During the time that he distances himself from us he starts getting very short and snappy. I then know a manic attack is coming and start having problems with high anxiety. I can't argue back with him I totally shut down when my anxietys high. I feel like I never stop, but never accomplish anything. I am literally waiting for him to blow. He starts over disciplining our children. He will lecture them for 30 minutes or more about something as simple as sitting still at the table. This can go on for weeks/months. Then something will finally set him off. He has never laid a hand on me, but he will get in my face and scare me. He takes all the money and breaks my cell phone every single time. I leave for a weak or so because I don't want my children to see their daddy like this. (And because I am afraid of what he might do.) After a few days he starts calling and gets severly depressed. He then realizes he needs meds and goes to the Dr.. He is always sorry for his actions and i have always forgiven him. I know that he is sick and it breaks my heart that he has to live this way. He truly is an awesome person and has a huge heart. He would do anything for anyone. I recently started going to counseling, she is going to help me set boundaries. I know for all of our sakes we can't keep living this way. I love my husband and I hope and pray this medicine works. I know it wont make this disappear, but hopefully it will help with the manic episodes. Good luck!! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
My children are much younger, but they too have a father who is bipolar. I spoke with a child therapist regarding on what to say to my children about his manic attacks, rudeness, etc. The advice I was given was to be open and thruthful in an age appropriate manner. Honest discussions with them would be helpful.
When he is hospitalized we say "he's gone to the hospital to get better", when he
is ill tempered we say "He's not feeling well, his head hurts, so we'll leave him alone..."
(my children are 3 and younger)
Children need to know that they are LOVED and THEY ARE NOT TO BLAME for their father's condition. Maybe a list of things he does when he is depresed and manic maybe useful, so they can say "okay this is his sickness, nothing to do with me or my actions"
Have you called your local NAMI chapter, there might be someone who can advice you on this.....they have support groups, etc. I wish you best. Take Care of yourself.
Has your husband admitted and/or been diagnosed? If so is he on med? If you can ask him when he is in one of his better moods to sit down with you and talk to the children it might give them a little more piece of mind to hear it from daddy. As I said before I am coming to grip with this disorder and being that my mind races about certain things I have tried to use it to my advantage and let it race about how to deal with this the best way possible for my family. I also am guilty of over lecturing but I feel like I do this so that I feel as if I am thoroughly explaining whatever point it is I am trying to make to them so that they understand. I feel this way with my wife also, I don't know bout your husband but I feel like sometimes no matter what I say or how I say it nobody really understands how I think so therefore I try to be very detail about so that they will understand( kinda like I'm doing right now!). It becomes frustrating when you feel as if noone is on the same page as you are so you literally wear yourself out because you feel as if you have to prove everything you say. I also feel by doing this people think I talk to much although I have never been told so I still feel this way in the back of my mind. I also remember you mentioning he has more depression than manic episodes. If so does he have some type of manic reaction after being shut down for so long, you know kinda like it was just building up over that time because if so that is how I will get, quiet for a week or so then when ever something finally sets me off I will go into a rage let me remind you I have been with my wife for 12 years since high school and we have 3 children I don't have these in front of my children and they are usually aimed at my wife but I have never laid a hand on her but I will scare her with my intensity and she knows my past in which in my younger days I truly did love to fight. I think Fighting was like my release but I usually did not start them but never turned them down either and I was not a bully( always stood up for the nerds!!). O.K. I am going to shut up now but I feel the kids will better understand daddy if daddy tells them and explains and reassures them that he loves them and that he is trying( I sure hope he is) and that no matter what he says or does that will never change and he needs to do this as much as possible because kids attention spans are short and in the mist of being disciplined can forget so tell daddy to have these little reminder meetings and that during these meeting to ask the children for feedback on how they think he is doing and the things bout daddy that bothers them most hope this helps, SAGE!
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