crisis is occuring now - it is this condition that has found me here. I am in real need of any advice friends. Since Friday around 6pm an still going now i have been in a acute and the most powerful experince of this that i bipolar that i have lived with for over 20 years. So potent was a sudden massive surge of universal love that went through me on Friday night that it put me in a total intense trance of concentration for over 30 hours writing continuously no-stopping. Totally convinced that what i was writing coming from my own Muse and the writing was magical words on paper that really were creatig my future as a mastter of myself and in total control over the bipolar. No more was I to suffer depression as I had the power in my writen future to choose to be positiveand that i was to be the master and creator of my destiny. I had the power to heal myself of illness also free from my long term drug addiction . In short I was to be able to live free in a new positive world that the writing had created. This state lasted forover 30 years. Then becuse I had been filled with absolute love My entire body would not work it was wraked in pains and complete dysfunction of my bility to move left me lying in one state on the carpet for hours. Shortly after this i began wretching and vomiting poisioness black bile from inside me. This was the because the the univalsal love had made me purge and expunge the negativity I was carrying from depression. It was the start of the healing for me to purge my negative thoughts. Eventually I became cpable of movement. This is still happening in me now my body and legs are unable to move as they are frozen in a pain.I am unable to stop this very aliveness that has posessed me. For before this i had been just barely functioning at 1 oand 2 o the mood chart for some ime. So the shock of suddenly coming awake as the force took me over has been awesome. As my beleief is that it not a par f my bipolar, I refuse to kill it off with medication. It has to be allowed to inhabit me and run its own course. I don't know when it will calm down and allow me to relax and then find a sleep. I am also gifted with real insight into how events and my social community i know what they are thinking and what they have all decided together about me. Even a short visit to my mums house on ``friday night, as I had not crossed my door outside for a few weeks. It was where this began. I know that my visit and 3 phone calls rom myfamily wre not coincidetal or just by chance they are all connected to this turning on. It is now that I am afraid of what this might be leading which it is a part of a the bipolar and is a acutely severe epissode of mania wcich may also turn into a very mixed rapid and proonged period of severe high that is to followed by a more serios crash downwards resultin in a carcrash wreck in crisis filled with eerything that is on the dark negative side again but far more severe paranoias, fears, depression not just at scale o of the mood chart but right off the scale far deeper that the constant thoughts of suicide and ending life. In even deeper places that make me utterly unable tofunction crippled by a huge degree of sickness and negativia. That I had stated to purge and really beleived that it was all part oof the start ofa healing path that would go on. My answer is comig in the very ner near future maybe a matter only a matter of a few hoiurs beforethis posiivity and hope leaves me andthen I find my self in a critical crisis condition. My simple question to any of you folks is how can I manage and cope with if this s't el and is a bipolar rmixed or up and down episodenand not a real start of of a healing process that I have been cerain that it wa. If im under aactually experiencing powerful delusions and heading for a crisis have any of you olks any experience of this sort or a similar sort that you could offer any advice or thoughs on how to manage and cope with this possible oncoming crash? It is now in my head with this this still ogoing enegry mixed with physical dysfunction. I think the truth is that I don;t know what happned on Friday night to still be happening now three days later. I have never in in my entire life expeienced whatever this is> I have no idea how to hndle it it seems to be out of contriol. Have Igone far too far for to on this to be come back in any safe, controlled , managed way that could keep me from a very serios crash and cisis. If any of you folks hve any advice or thoughts that may be of help my Angel will blow LOve on you as blessings. I pray to whatever brought this transformation to me lets it remain with me and become real healing. Much peace to you. An Angel Of Love.