i had major suicidal tendencies at the height of my meth use. it wasn't all life's circumstances like the meth made me wanna believe. it's highs were too warped (a nasty blurring of one's ethics i.e., deviant lust, extravagant spending, irrational justifications for daily life deteriorations...'fuck it' to the phone ringing, 'fuck it' to the blue circles under my eyes) and it's lows were a rotting prison.
i am a major envelope pusher so to speak, and i see now that I subconsciencly scared myself to an inch of my life as was necessary for me to quit properly, yet incredibly high and stupid. as one might be respectfully fearful of the ocean and the power it holds, I am disdainfully loathesome of meth and the powerful hold it used to have on me but now I am completely free from meth. it exacerbated all of my bipolar II symptons to either...morbidity, sigh or...granduer, sigh.
after fast living straight towards an inglorious death, i am enjoying sober, normal days. I take zyprexa for my bipolar II and still toke a little in the evenings but I truly do not miss meth. i miss all the time i wasted being so high.
your symptoms will calm and you can find a balance. if your bipolar is crazy or unmanageable or upsets your life in any way, then just keep seeking help till you find the right combination. find a doc that reals hears you. if you want real help, then tell him/her your sordid history bc it really does factor in and he/she really does upkeep very strict confidentiality laws (it can make life insurance skyrocket, damn them, as they must be privy to your records but if you're doing meth then life insurance just isnt ranking high on your actually doable priorities list bc true meth addiction only prioritizes more meth, lol). research and find a drug that actually works. i was about to give up on drugs when i found one that worked for me. i became more even keel and had the most gorgeous sleep i had had in a year.
all i can ultimately say is stay off meth, it is utterly useless and kills our pleasure receptors! how heinous is that? kudos if you're already there. find a good doctor and a med that doesn't make you crazy. educate yourself on your addictions and your diagnosis. find something to believe in. ask the universe to conspire good things for you...then ask it again...and again.
I have been struggling with addiction to meth for just over a year now and i am only a few weeks sober after having a relapse after being sober for about 4mo. well my family just told me recently that they thing i am bipolar so naturally me being me, i researched it and found symptoms of the different types of bipolar and found that i now believe i have bipolar depression. I have all of the symptoms of pmdd but they are constant, not just around my time for my period. I am thinking i have been self medicating with meth to relieve my symptoms, because i loved the way it made me feel and have trouble staying away from it when i always feel so overwhelmed, sad, unhappy, mad, just depressed and yet anxious to do something with my life then i lose interest in what i wanted to do. I feel like i'm constantly running in a hampster wheel. I get tired easily and recently havent been able to sleep at night which has been a cycle of mine for most of my life. and before meth i think i self medicated with lortab until that didnt work anymore. after i got off meth i started drinking often just to get that pick me up. so i guess im just searching for ways to alleviate what i feel unfortunately. but thanks to my family, i now know that i acctually have something wrong w/ me that thank god is treatable w/ medicine that will actually work w/o me ending up in prison for years lol so that is a relief. I just wanted to share my story with you because i read urs and they seem similar. thank you for posting your story because otherwise i wouldnt have found that my theory was correct (about me self medicating with meth for being bipolar). so i want to thank you!