i had major suicidal tendencies at the height of my meth use. it wasn't all life's circumstances like the meth made me wanna believe. it's highs were too warped (a nasty blurring of one's ethics i.e., deviant lust, extravagant spending, irrational justifications for daily life deteriorations...'fuck it' to the phone ringing, 'fuck it' to the blue circles under my eyes) and it's lows were a rotting prison.
i am a major envelope pusher so to speak, and i see now that I subconsciencly scared myself to an inch of my life as was necessary for me to quit properly, yet incredibly high and stupid. as one might be respectfully fearful of the ocean and the power it holds, I am disdainfully loathesome of meth and the powerful hold it used to have on me but now I am completely free from meth. it exacerbated all of my bipolar II symptons to either...morbidity, sigh or...granduer, sigh.
after fast living straight towards an inglorious death, i am enjoying sober, normal days. I take zyprexa for my bipolar II and still toke a little in the evenings but I truly do not miss meth. i miss all the time i wasted being so high.
your symptoms will calm and you can find a balance. if your bipolar is crazy or unmanageable or upsets your life in any way, then just keep seeking help till you find the right combination. find a doc that reals hears you. if you want real help, then tell him/her your sordid history bc it really does factor in and he/she really does upkeep very strict confidentiality laws (it can make life insurance skyrocket, damn them, as they must be privy to your records but if you're doing meth then life insurance just isnt ranking high on your actually doable priorities list bc true meth addiction only prioritizes more meth, lol). research and find a drug that actually works. i was about to give up on drugs when i found one that worked for me. i became more even keel and had the most gorgeous sleep i had had in a year.
all i can ultimately say is stay off meth, it is utterly useless and kills our pleasure receptors! how heinous is that? kudos if you're already there. find a good doctor and a med that doesn't make you crazy. educate yourself on your addictions and your diagnosis. find something to believe in. ask the universe to conspire good things for you...then ask it again...and again.