I don't feel love at all, have not for years. Could I be bi-polar

Hi, faddaddy. Let me start by saying I'm not making any moral judgments here. Our behavior tends to run away from us when our brains refuse to cooperate. But let's not mince words, either. Your situation is serious, so no namby-pamby here. Let's start:

It would be nice to say all your problems stem from bipolar, because that implies an easy solution - take a pill and you become a loving person who doesn't cheat on your family.

Maybe you have bipolar, maybe you don't. Even if you have bipolar, you appear to have a lot of issues to resolve that may or may not be related to your bipolar at all.

We really don't know what is going on, but here is one possibility of many (so please don't interpret this as a definitive answer):

Many people experience a deficit in their dopamine system. Either not enough dopamine or certain parts of the brain are not communicating efficiently with other parts of the brain. Dopamine mediates pleasure and reward and anticipation, and is involved in arousal and awareness.

So if you're feeling emotionally flat it may be due to lack of dopamine. Many people compensate by using drugs. Meth, cocaine, and all the rest kick up the dopamine short term, but deplete dopamine in the long term.

Other people compensate by thrill-seeking, such as a dangerous hobby or workaholism or illicit or kinky sex. A lot of people mix the drug abuse with thrill-seeking.

So what happens if you have a dopamine problem and an overworked psychiatrist diagnoses you with bipolar? He/she may prescribe a med that BLOCKS dopamine. Now you won't even think of cheating or thrill-seeking, because your brain is too wiped out to even feel flat, but you won't have a life, either. Or you may get a mood stabilizer that levels you out, but still doesn't address your underlying issues.

You obviously want to stop your thrill-seeking behavior, but you also obviously want to be a loving husband, experience joy, and not have to contend with anger and guilt. A doc who simply assumes you have garden variety bipolar is not going to get to the root of your problems.

Yes, you may need to be treated for bipolar. Maybe you will get lucky with the treatment. But don't let the doc simply send you out the door with an instant diagnosis and prescription. You are not going to resolve your issues until you find a solution that involves you experiencing the kind of feelings most people take for granted.

Part of the solution may involve a really smart doc who listens. You will almost certainly need to work with a really good talking therapist who listens.

In short, this is a complex problem. Beware of simple solutions, such as a bipolar diagnosis (but don't dismiss the possibility either).

Hope I haven't totally confused you ...

Wow

You and I are similar creatures...I am also married with 4 children and 3 grandchildren....

I feel the same way that you do, only I have felt this way for more than 30 years and thought it was just me-what a relief(and consequent grief)

Maybe we should visit more and work out our feelings together.