Not sure how this site works, but I'd love to talk to anyone who has a partner with bipolar 2 or Cyclothymia. It is ever so hard to love someone, yet have them hurt you. More confusing is knowing they would never say so many hurtful things. After 11 years, I know it is not him, and knowing he does not mean it, leaves me waiting for him to hit a depressive period, when he is able to see what he has said in a new light. Which only makes him feel worse. This is so frustrating, as I don't want him to be depressed, but also do feel the need to have him understand that calling me names, that he doesn't even know the definition of, is not helping either of us. I am allowed to phone his doctor now, which I never want to do, but as he doesn't understand what he is saying, and seems to get very selfish for periods, I may have to if it gets really bad again. He is very upset that our family doctor and his psychiatrist agree that I should be able to talk to his psychiatrist if I need to. I find staying at friends helps, but I am trying to keep things at home stable, and worry that he may get depressed when I leave to sleep at a friends. I have never left when he is really depressed, as he has attempted suicide years ago before ever seeing a doctor or therapist mind you, and he had just come out to his family as well. It is just knowing he is capable of it is scary, and he can get so down on himself and life sometimes. When I leave, there are no certainties, which is life, and I do know that. I wonder if anyone else struggles with taking care of yourself as you are supposed to do, as you need to be healthy etc.. and not being able to really take a break as you worry about your loved one. I do get breaks when I know he is at work or with others, yet I still have to keep very busy with people and/or things or I sometimes slip back into thinking how to improve the life we have now, which is so full of stress, for both of us. Waiting, and waiting for a treatment that works, is hard on me, I would love to talk to anyone who shares similar feelings and experiences.
thanks for listening, hope others if not answer, at least get some help from what I hope are things, that may make them feel less alone.