Living with a bipolar partner
Not sure how this site works, but I'd love to talk to anyone who has a partner with bipolar 2 or Cyclothymia. It is ever so hard to love someone, yet have them hurt you. More confusing is knowing they would never say so many hurtful things. After 11 years, I know it is not him, and knowing he does not mean it, leaves me waiting for him to hit a depressive period, when he is able to see what he has said in a new light. Which only makes him feel worse. This is so frustrating, as I don't want him to be depressed, but also do feel the need to have him understand that calling me names, that he doesn't even know the definition of, is not helping either of us. I am allowed to phone his doctor now, which I never want to do, but as he doesn't understand what he is saying, and seems to get very selfish for periods, I may have to if it gets really bad again. He is very upset that our family doctor and his psychiatrist agree that I should be able to talk to his psychiatrist if I need to. I find staying at friends helps, but I am trying to keep things at home stable, and worry that he may get depressed when I leave to sleep at a friends. I have never left when he is really depressed, as he has attempted suicide years ago before ever seeing a doctor or therapist mind you, and he had just come out to his family as well. It is just knowing he is capable of it is scary, and he can get so down on himself and life sometimes. When I leave, there are no certainties, which is life, and I do know that. I wonder if anyone else struggles with taking care of yourself as you are supposed to do, as you need to be healthy etc.. and not being able to really take a break as you worry about your loved one. I do get breaks when I know he is at work or with others, yet I still have to keep very busy with people and/or things or I sometimes slip back into thinking how to improve the life we have now, which is so full of stress, for both of us. Waiting, and waiting for a treatment that works, is hard on me, I would love to talk to anyone who shares similar feelings and experiences.
thanks for listening, hope others if not answer, at least get some help from what I hope are things, that may make them feel less alone.
David (DSmithhere@gmail.com)
HI
I know how you feel,My 22 yr old son is bipolar,and lives at home,I dont know what to do anymore,It is so hard to deal with.He has trouble at work and getting violent at home,it has turned our family apart,I know he doesnt mean the things he says or does,Im looking for a group home for him right now,I hate to do this,but he is going to get hurt himself or someone else.Just keep praying thats all I do.
char
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Hi I'm new to this site and desperate to connect with others in this situation. My husband of 20 years was 'finally' diagnosed with bipolar this spring after his ever-worsening behavior almost sent both of us over the edge. He started to get more aggressive and at one point scared me and the kids so bad that i had to get family services involved. I told him that he had to get a professional diagnosis and councelling otherwise he would have to move out.
My children are ages 17, 13, and 9. I think the type of manic you describe is the same that he has. it is not as severe and he has been able to hold down a steady job and provide well for us. However, living with him has been hellishly difficult; I have always refered to him as Dr. Jeckle/Mr. Hyde. He is amazingly talented musically and artistically, as am I, and we share a beautiful connection on many levels creatively, emotionally and philisophically. But his horrible fluctuating moods, lashing out, anger and frusteration with the most benign things and self- hatred has threatened the very core of our relationship.
We are now working together with a councellor to try and make sense of things but I have reached a point where I feel I can no longer cope. I struggle with wanting out, needing more, desiring stability, having my most basic and simplist needs met. I feel lonely and know that i deserve better; I also grew up with a Schitzophrenic brother who took his life so I have lived with mental illness and the fallout and stigma my whole life so it's hard not to feel bitter and completely overwhelmed.
Still I try to think positively, live in the moment, give my spouse space and understanding and he has been working very hard on cognitive and medical therapy. The worst is that as he gets better and moves on I have felt such overpowering resentment ; I feel like I'm being left behind in a wake of destruction. Now my eldest child who is very angry and very disappointed with his dad, is exhibiting signs of the illness and is acting out.
I will be happy to correspond with you as I have been learning to manage my stress more and if anyone can lend a hand, any thoughts of inspiration, words of wisdom, understanding....please.
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I am not an expert but my wife and I have been married for 19 years and she has had bipolar episodes about every 3-5 years. I have tried different approaches to helping her yet not one has been fully effective. My wife considers me the enemy and the one not to trust. My suggestion is to try to keep stress down in both of your lives and just be there when an episode occurs. I try not to committ her for care. I usually pick her up from different places and just wait for her to bottom out and usually MHMR locally usually gets involved to get her the help. Usually after about 2 -4 weeks she is herself and actually does not remember the recent episode. I also make sure all forms of money and accounts are severed since in a manic stage she spends alot of money. Just be there when your husbands recovers from an episode. I am sure every non-bipolar person has different techniques and ways to cope..
It is a hard life for both partners in a bipolar relationshipe, yet if you love your husband you will be there for him regaredless...
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It seems that your partner really wants to share the facts of his illness. He asks you to call his doctors to help him during hard times. Irritability is just about always a call for some help...talk or medicine. Sometimes your going away could cause more bad feelings like guilt and helplessness. A change afterr 11 years must be hard for you but change is life. Stand by him and he'll get better with meds and the doctors and your love.
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