knowing what is and is not bipolar, when dealing with a family member
My partner now, despite two years, of roses gifts and dozens of love letters and poems, has now decided to leave me, which is ok, it has been awfully hard on me. I am rather concerned whether him saying he has just been confused for two years makes any sense. He hasn't loved me apparently in two years, despite all I've done, and I'm just not sure if this is stability and him not being confused is a sign he is ill or that he is stable and no longer confused. I do care for him and worry that he may not be well, rather than being well as he says he is now. After the first couple of days of me being upset, and coming to terms with this, he has gone from looking awfully happy, to sleeping a lot and looking miserable. He said he loved me, and a day later, hasn't in two years. I'm not sure if I should phone his shrink, or if I should just leave it be and leave. Any input would be appreciated, as I'm ever so hurt and confused at this point. If anyone knows if it's common for someone with a bipolar disorder to be confused for two years, and lead you on like that, and switch in a day is normal I would love to know. Perhaps he is stable and was confused, but it just doesn't make sense to me, granted I have never had a bipolar disorder myself.
thanks for any input
Hi, DShere. There are very few things worse in the world than a relationship breakup. I had two in the space of a year, and the cumulative stress combined with work overcommitments resulted in me having to move very quickly to head off a major crisis. You are both confused and devasted and I know the feeling exactly. No doubt, you also feel betrayed.
Having been through this, myself (with two bipolar partners), you do need to know whether his comments are simply his illness talking or whether this is truly how he feels about you. I knew I would not be able to let go until I had determined to my satisfaction that it was not just the illness talking.
So, at this stage, I encourage you to keep talking. But at the same time, be realistic. Even though you're the nonbipolar partner, your moods right now are as all over the place as your partner's. You're ready to believe anything. Similarly, he's ready to say anything.
If you do get back together, there may be a next time, in which case you need to instantly recall what is going on now.
Should you determine that he really does not feel any love for you - that it is not his illness talking - it is wise to disengage as completely and expeditiously as possible. Within 10 days of my marriage breaking up in New Jersey, I was living in California. Not everyone can uproot like this. But by making the move, I physically removed myself from a very unhealthy situation. With break-ups, a lot of strange attraction is going on.
By saying this, I cast no aspersions on my ex-wife. This is a common pattern with break-ups. We get trapped in our emotions. We lose our capacity to acknowledge reality and make rational choices.
I don't know if this answer helps you at all. Please take comfort in the fact that a lot of us know what you're going through, and that you have all our support. Please do not be afraid to reach out. Good friends helped me through both my recent break-ups. There is a lot of good out there.
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