Nana,

My suggestion is that when she is not in a manic state, that whoever is closest to her and most trusted by her try to talk to her again, alone.  However, the approach that is taken is a delicate one. If she doesn't like to make scenes in public, try going for coffee where she would feel embarrased to get overly upset and angry in front of other people.  It is a controled environment.  If she does make scenes in public try it at home, when it is quiet with no distractions.  Never make her feel attacked or point fingers at her.  Start your sentences with "I feel" and "it hurts me when you..." and "I wish I could help you see how much I love you." DO NOT point out any of her downfalls.  Explain that you feel that she isn't really happy and you want to do whatever you can to help her.  No matter what, she needs to see a psychiatrist for a valid diagnosis and to get on meds immediately.  You can use the approach of "let's just see what the doc says" or "it doesn't hurt to ask, maybe you don't need help.  At least we will know for sure and then we will leave you alone about it if the doc says you are ok." Phrase it like that.  Of course, you know she will be diagnosed for sure so don't worry about that.  The last alternative will be to give her an ultimatum, that your son will leave her and deem her an unfit parent.  Try to avoid this at all costs.

A strong support system is key to this and it sounds like you all want to help. Also, your son may want to consider therapy to learn how to deal with the disorder and learn how deal with and prevent the verbal abuse.

I hope this was helpful to you.  Good luck.

Please write and let me know how you make out.

~ Lisa