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Saturday, March 13, 2010 tryingtolearn, Community Member, asks

Q: relationship with a bipolar man

We met a year ago and discovered we had incredible chemistry together.  We communicate well, we are physically passionate and we laugh a lot.  He told me early on that he is bipolar but medicated.  He actually works in the medical field, is extremely bright and involved.  We speak often and try to get together at least once a week.  As time has gone on I have come to doubt his sincerity.  When we're together we are very connected but when apart, it feels as though I don't enter his head, he is off-hand and forgetful.  He says all the right things but his actions leave me wanting and I get very hurt.  I have tried pointing this out and he says that he can only focus on what he is doing at the time.  I love this man deeply.  I suppose what am I questioning is how much of this is him, how much of it is the bipolar?  I will love him, I'll support him, but if this is not related to his condition then I will leave.  I know that you don't have a crystal ball to look into our relationship, but do these seem common grievances of people involved with bipolar men?

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Answers (1)
Jerry Kennard, Health Guide
3/16/10 8:23am

Hi,

 

Thanks for your question. What you ask is actually quite a common question for people who enter into a relationship with a person with bipolar. Even if we could answer your question in terms of 'this proportion is probably bipolar and the other isn't' it wouldn't really help your relationship. As it happens we can't disaggregate the personality from the disorder as they are interwoven and quite possibly one feeds into the other.

 

Having bipolar disorder can mean very different things. Some people have a rather mild version whilst others are almost disabled by its crippling effects on their life. It sounds to me like your partner is pretty well controlled.

 

You are having certain doubts about your relationship and you are now wondering if doubts can be attributed to his condition. Maybe then can and maybe not. There is a dynamic to all relationships that changes over time. We could speculate that your early passion is perhaps just starting to settle down? Perhaps he paces things differently to you? My advice, such as it is, is not to fret too much over the nature of bipolar but to accept what you see as the person who is in your life. If you can both make this work - great. If not, you won't be the first who has given up the struggle.

 

CJ Gregory has written a sharepost on the top 10 ways to support your mate , that you may like to read.

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By tryingtolearn, Community Member— Last Modified: 05/29/14, First Published: 03/13/10