Why when ones manic do you do such horrible things to the ones you love?

It is a very hard concept to grasp, that mental illness can cause such hurt but from all the reading about BP I've done does explain it.  I suggest doing some reading on the subject and learn all you can about BP, the internet is great as well as any books you can get your hands on.  A few that come to mind that I have at home are "Loving Someone with Bipolar"  and "A Survival Guide to Bipolar".   

I know how you feel, my husband has done and said some things I would have thought I could have never forgiven, but with God's grace I have and we just celebrated 19yrs of marriage this month.     Good Luck!                Roni

Hi, Independant. I am twice divorced and can relate to your sense of grief and outrage. A lot of things are going on here. I don't know your specific situation, but a few generalities:

1. Manic behavior is typically confined to the episode. The defining characteristic of mania (and nearly all states of mental illness) is that the the behavior is not typical. It is very much out of character with the individual. When the episode recedes, behavior returns to baseline. In the aftermath, the affected individual is typically mortified and shows remorse. I suspect you have witnessed this pattern in your marriage.

2. This contrasts with individuals with serious personality issues. Their outrageous behavior is very much in character and they rarely show remorse. When you call them out on their behavior, the rationalizations and counter-attacks fly. We all have various personality issues and quirks, which our partners learn to live with out of consideration for us. Likewise, we learn to modify some of our behavior out of consideration for our partner. But "irreconciliable differences" happen.

3. A marriage break-up complicates everything. Even "normal" individuals are emotionally overwhelmed, making it very difficult to separate out bipolar from personality issues from the terrible things partners do to each other when relationships fail.

I can't answer why your husband is doing terrible things to you and your family. But I hope I have laid out some sort of rough guide for you to work with. Again, I realize this is a terrible time for you and your family. This is the time to reach out for support. Hope this helps -

Hi, Independant. I am twice divorced and can relate to your sense of grief and outrage. A lot of things are going on here. I don't know your specific situation, but a few generalities:

1. Manic behavior is typically confined to the episode. The defining characteristic of mania (and nearly all states of mental illness) is that the the behavior is not typical. It is very much out of character with the individual. When the episode recedes, behavior returns to baseline. In the aftermath, the affected individual is typically mortified and shows remorse. I suspect you have witnessed this pattern in your marriage.

2. This contrasts with individuals with serious personality issues. Their outrageous behavior is very much in character and they rarely show remorse. When you call them out on their behavior, the rationalizations and counter-attacks fly. We all have various personality issues and quirks, which our partners learn to live with out of consideration for us. Likewise, we learn to modify some of our behavior out of consideration for our partner. But "irreconciliable differences" happen.

3. A marriage break-up complicates everything. Even "normal" individuals are emotionally overwhelmed, making it very difficult to separate out bipolar from personality issues from the terrible things partners do to each other when relationships fail.

I can't answer why your husband is doing terrible things to you and your family. But I hope I have laid out some sort of rough guide for you to work with. Again, I realize this is a terrible time for you and your family. This is the time to reach out for support. Hope this helps -