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Sunday, March 21, 2010 amy, Community Member, asks

Q: Help! I'm in love with a bipolar man.

I have tried being loving and supportive of him even when he pushes me away during his episodes which he has just done so recently and right now we are not together but now my parents are worried that if I get back with him or see him again that he could harm me physically which he has never done but has said some mean things when he is having an episode so my question is this. should I be worried for my safety because you hear those stories of a person losing it and harming the person they are closest to which in this case is me.

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Answers (2)
Chris, Community Member
3/22/10 9:44pm
You're asking the question, so that tells me that part of you doesn't trust him. One of the standard psychiatric questions are "do you ever have thoughts of harming others". For me it's simple. No. I would only just harm myself. But yet why are psychiatrists asking the question at every appointment? When you go full blown manic, you kind of surrender to what the voices in your head are directing you to do. There's an element where you lose control. You could just flat out ask him to describe his past manic episodes. Most people think we don't remember but we do. It's going to be painful for him, and he may refuse. It will give you the insight that you need. I don't have violence in me - but I can't speak for all BP sufferers. Reply
Refound, Community Member
5/11/13 8:00pm
Oh I feel your pain! I married one, and he wouldn't agree to get clinically diagnosed until AFTER the wedding. When he did, he was put on initial medications for the illness, which made him even more irritable and aggressive. The verbal and emotional abuse was already prevalent in our relationship from the disorder, but I had no idea that it would escalate as much as it did. If your man is not currently on meds, convince him to do so!! But I advise about two months apart while he is getting regulated in order for there to be any hope in preserving your relationship. My marriage ended tragically and it could have gone a lot worse for me had I not been able to regulate my own calmness during the attack. I don't wish this on my worst enemy, and it destroys a piece of confidence in your own self (it did for me, and I'm a very strong woman) that I will be able to be vulnerable again and develop the right traits to attract the non-ill man. Your mother has concerns for you for a reason -- my mom did as well. I didn't listen. Take time to meditate and decide if the love you share is equal for both of you. I would venture to guess that he may be a bit co-dependent and controlling, and possibly squashing the real you inside who has her own passions to chase. Listen to your heart -- never underestimate your self-worth and the beauty of your own heart and how much YOU have to offer your true soulmate. One that won't call you names, bully you, will respect you as we'll as encourage you fully to pursue your dreams. You're worth it!!!! And life's too short, my dear. Reply
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By amy, Community Member— Last Modified: 05/11/13, First Published: 03/21/10