the most frustrating thing is following your meds, and then not having them work, i am not an expert in meds, but i know that it can take years to tweak your meds and come to levels where they are working, it sounds to me (again i am no expert) that you are suffering from very low self esteem and high anxiety, abuse takes a terrible toll on the survivors, it is guilt we carry..we think we are inheritently bad,fundamentally wrong, not worthy, and this makes us vulernable and protective of ourselves,some gain a ton or weight, or lose a ton all in attempts to gain control, and avoidance is anther way to "gain: control. i would first talk to your pdoc, addres this issue, maybe once you can control the anxiety,and fears you can start to build self confidence, and trust your instincts.learn to love yourself, meds help control symptons they are not the magic cure, i know i thought i was better and i relasped while on meds, but then after discussion with my doc ( who is absolutely amazing) i realized i needed to do some work in my wellness, by dealing with some issues i have been avoiding..it is painful, but i am starting to like myself, and gain confidence and thicker skin, best of luck to you, and i am so sorry for what you went through and our going through.