I suspect my GF is bipolar. What's the proper way of asking if she is without causing drama?

Hi, toughlove. Bipolar is one possibility. Borderline personality disorder is another. So is being completely normal.

You probably know quite a bit about bipolar and normal, soI'll give you a heads up on borderline:

Borderline on the surface can easily be mistaken for bipolar, as there is a lot of emotional volatility involved. One difference is bipolars cycle in and out - and this usually takes time. Borderlines tend to tutn on a dime. Walking on eggshells is how people in relationships with borderlines describe it.

I cannot possibly make a diagnosis for you, but one red flag is your description of how she says it will be all your fault if she commits suicide. True, a bipolar could make this comment as well, but it is more in character with someone with borderline - you get all the blame, she takes none of the responsibility.

The world is a very tough place for borderlines. They tend not to stay in relationships for long, and are very unhappy people. Their way of coping with what they see as a threatening environment is by idealizing the situation and people close to them on one hand (rose-colored glasses) and vilifying everything in it on the other. They can go from one extreme to the other in a split second.

If she is seeing a therapist and is making a good faith effort to change, that is a good thing. You might want to break the ice with something along these lines: "I know you're going to therapy. You're very brave facing your issues head on. I'm here to help. If you can give me an idea of what's going on, I will be in a better position to help you through this. We're in this together. I really care about you."

My guess is she will initially brush you off, but you will have at least planted the seed. Keep trying. Keep in mind the shame of mental illness is great and that opening up is difficult. But don't give up. Whether she's bipolar or borderline or normal, you two obviously need to talk, and it sounds like she has a sensitive guy to talk to.

I think John's advice is dead on. I was going to say do not worry about asking the specific diagnosis first, just ask that you be let into her life more fully by telling Her you are willing to talk about her therapy and tell Her all the things you would be willing to do, that you so eloquently told us. Best of luck to the both of you.

           i would come right out and ask her , in a quiet way.   She sounds

         very sensitive, and bipolars are.   Just let her know you ll still be there

         if she is.......and you are doing everthing you can possibly do.

            keep goin to your therapist ,   when needed.  People like you are one

         of a kind.........you  have  empathy,  and act upon it. 

                all you can do  is the best you can do.