Hi, Kaninchen. You are not alone. I have had the same thoughts, myself, and I can assure you anyone reading this also has. You are in an extremely bad place. Your brain is tricking you into believing you have reached the end of the road. I know what it's like. I've been there.

Four months ago I lost a good friend to suicide. He was 28. Even though he had everything to live for, that's not the way he saw it. His suicide inspired me to produce a short suicide prevention video. I urge you to check it out here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWQcqz_JAeo

Also, this is a time to reach out. Please talk to family and friends. Also, please make sure you are in a safe place, with people checking in on you. It is probably advisable to go to the emergency room, but I am sure you have already considered that. Nevertheless, I urge you not to resist if someone offers to drive you there.

No one can pull you out of the dark hole you find yourself in right now. But they can help you endure the terrible torment you are feeling. In time, the dark hole won't be so dark. You will be able to find the footholds and handholds to claw your way out.

I know this sounds pie in the sky, but I am here right now. My good friend, unfortunately, is not.