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Friday, January 02, 2009 emberlyn, Community Member, asks

Q: My 13 year old son is destroying our house, i don't know what else to do with him

my son has been diagnosed early on in kindergarden with being bipolar, adhd, sad, odd, and ocd. he has been on medicine since then... all different kinds, none ever worked. he is currently on tenex, when he takes it. he stays up all night playing online computer games and sleeps all day. he gets back on track and then looses it again. when he gets angry about the game or anything, he screams and hollars and beats on the wall and something will get broken. he has also been abusive with me, he broke my nose with a rock a few years ago, and spent a week in a mental ward and then my sister took him for five weeks. he was about 8 then. nobody or anything seems to calm him down no matter what we do. he is very attached to me and i also have bipolar 2 and a few other things like chrone's disease that i believe was brought on through all the stress from my son. he has been out of school for a year now because he gets kicked out of school or they want to keep sending him to PASS which is not helping him in anyway. he won't let me home school him because he doesn't listen. my husband wants to send him away... i don't. but i also don't want to be afraid of my own son in a couple of years either... can anybody help, we are at a loss.

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Answers (2)
notfa22, Community Member
1/ 6/09 1:09am

He seems to have fits of rage. I don't know how comfortable I feel about your childs doctor if they have been putting him on so many meds at such a young age. He seems to need counseling and physical outlets. I had problems with rage and violent tendencies as a bipolar girl at age 10. My parents bought a punching bag for me. A big one. I stopped breaking plates and started punching my rage out. Encourage gloves though when he is really upset he may prefer to bloody his fist on that bag. Until his hormones calm down I don't know how much help meds will do. But for sure try creative physical exertion, amped up and firm counseling, and maybee a second opinion from another doctor. Don't let one person define your child and don't let your child dictate your life. I am so sorry for your troubles but he needs to use up that energy and keep him buisy buisy buisy buisy till he can't even think of standing. Walks after school, soccer, football, baseball, swimming, boxing, karate, jogging, yoga, pilates, push ups, pull ups, I mean get creative. Use his imagination. Make him feel involved. If he refuses and is rude take out all the TVs buy a punching bag instead of a cable bill and I bet he will eventually hit it. One hit and he will hit it again and again. Direct his schedule so he doesn't sleep in the day. KEEP HIM UP. One nap midday then wake him up with a vengence. Keep him up. Chores, go outside and pic up rocks, dig a hole and fill it back up, run in a circle ten times. Then you can watch TV or play a game. You have so much more power and authority than you think.

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mmoudry, Community Member
1/ 2/09 8:51pm
Emberlyn. Hi, I started this a minute ago but did something goofy with the keyboard so I had to start over, anyway, I decided to check this site again and found your question on here. I just want to say that first let your 13 year old son know that wthout any doubt you love him deeply. sometimes these disorders cause one to doubt their value in life. Secondly he does not mean to be ill behaved. Even we adults feel awful when we act horribly towards others. Illnesses can make us all really do horrendous behaviors. Thirdly, I have another idea, God. I dont know where you are spiritually but the Creator God Whom made your child, knows your son far better than you or anyone. You neeeeed God. I would like to suggest Insight For Living with Pastor, Teacher Chuck Swindoll. Chuck loves the Lord God Jesus Christ and he has teaching on parents child relationships that REALLY help parents. You can even contact him on their wesite Insight dot org. They are in Plano Texas. I would also like to suggest my therapist Dr. Dan Feaster at Samaritan Counseling Center here in Wisc. in Monona. His email address is dfeaster@aol.com. He is an excellent Psycotherapist and has help many children with many disorders. His phone number is 608 663 0763 ext 200. You will find both or either of these ideas very helpful. If you happen to live in Wisc you could make an appointment with Dr Feaster. Both references are Christian based. Either individual can help or lead you to the right place. Its just a thought. Dont forget reassure you son he is deeply loved, as I am sure you already have and do but sometimes children with mental challenges question if they are loved a lot. Because underneath they know they are causing discomfort and they dont REALLY want to. They think sometimes that their behavors make others hate them and dont want them. They Think that way, but reassuring them you love them unconditionally and nothing they do will cause you to stop loving them. God gave your son to you because God knew you would be the parent your son needed. God knows what He is doing and gave you your son as His gift to you and a special gift to you. Blessings in The Lord God Jesus Christ, Mary (a friend) Reply
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By emberlyn, Community Member— Last Modified: 10/26/11, First Published: 01/02/09