Q: How do you know if your ex was bipolar and if that is why he left you?
Excuse my book but I feel everything I write is important to the situation I am facing.
Every day I used to go in to the same coffee shop and felt this attraction to a guy working there. I never initiated anything because of my past however one day one of his coworkers told me he wanted me number to ask me out. I gave her my number and the next night he and I went out on our first date. We clicked instantly, I have never felt that kind of a connection before. He was very sweet, open and attentive. We started spending a lot of time together. One night when I had had too much to drink we got into a minor argument through text that resulted in him saying that he thought we were officially together/boyfriend and girlfriend. We had never discussed this. So we did the next day and made it official. From day one he has told me how I make him the happiest he has ever been. That everyone at his work could see the major positive changes in him. That I make his heart melt every time he sees me. How beautiful, perfect, irresistible and gorgeous I am. That I make him smile and laugh. He started coming over every night, leaving a toothbrush and clothes which did not bother me because I was happy with him. He met all of my friends, co-workers and knew I had told my family about us (my family does not live anywhere near me). He told me that he had told his family about me and wanted to take me to a family reunion. I left on a vacation of three weeks to another country and gave him my apartment key to keep an eye on the place. We talked every night through video chat and I could see that he was always at my apartment. He told me that he had rearranged somethings and had moved more stuff in. Not a big deal to me because the connection was so real. He was still telling me the same heartfelt things and even saying new things that suggested our future together like relocating to find better jobs, saving up to buy a new car in a few years, booking a hotel for an upcoming wedding in September, the new patio furniture we should buy for the summer, etc. When I came back from the vacation he never left my apartment to go back home. We both seemed extremely happy, smiling, laughing, affectionate, talking about everything for hours including our future together, having sex every day multiple times a day. Then because I have trust issues from my past one night I looked at his phone and saw that a girl had text him asking if he was in a relationship and he told her kind of but it wasn't at all serious to him. She then asked where he was living and he said with me but only because it was conveniently close to his work. Wow... extremely hurtful things to say. I immediately told him I needed space and that he could not spend the night that night. His reaction was to pack all of his things. I told him multiple times I did not want to break up that I just needed space to think and he told me that whenever any one asks him to leave they never want him back. He told me those texts were lies and is feelings for me were real. I shut myself in my bedroom to make myself not beg him to stay because I do not want to be with someone who doesn't want me. When he left he left behind the apartment key and a note that said he was sorry, that he loved me (first time he said that) and goodbye. I was stunned, how does someone leave you and take everything including their coffee maker and all the condoms if they love you and you did not tell them they had to move out. His family reunion was two days later and like a fool taking some horrible advise from friends I went even though he and I hadn't talked since he left. He wasn't there at first and I got to meet the entire family. When he did arrive we went for a drive and he told me he needed space, that he wasn't sure if what we had was real, that he wasn't sure if he was really happy or just pretending to be happy. I was shocked but willing to give him time. He text me the next day wishing me a good day and I responded likewise with nothing more not wanting to intrude on his space. Two days after that was his birthday and I canceled all of our plans since he did not express wanting to see me; instead I just text him a sweet birthday message and hoped to hear from him. That night, on his birthday he broke up with by changing his relationship status on Facebook and when I called him he claimed he was about to call me. On the phone he said that we both need to move on, that he is holding me back, that I was great and things were great between us but we should just stay friends. He refused to see me to give me closure and only said "I can't" in response. I have text him I'm sorry and that I wish him the best and have received no response. From start to finish I have known him 3 months from our first date until today and am hurting more than I care to admit. Now I remember that he had told me his brother was diagnosed bipolar and that it is hereditary however he made no mention of having it himself. He is on medication for depression and ADHD that he takes daily. I have had a friend tell me without knowing about his brother or his medication that he seems classic bi-polar from his behaviors. To me it is the only thing that makes sense... to have someone go from being crazy about me, constantly wanting to see me, touch me, text me, proclaim their devotion to me, tell me numerous times they never want to be without me and then that person do a 180 when we have a minor disagreement and I ask for one night to be alone to think. Can someone help me understand this? Can someone tell me if they have had a similar situation and if this sounds like a bi-polar diagnosis. I will also say one day he told me he has some skeletons in his closet that he was scared to tell me for fear I will run away and I told him whenever he was ready I was willing to listen. He also can sleep for hours especially on his days off he wouldn't get out of bed until 2pm at the earliest. He has a steady job but isn't driven to do much more with his life which I do not judge him for. He would tremble/jerk sometimes in his sleep when he was really tired and sometimes he would feel distant for a few moments and then be normal. t don't know what to do at this point. I really care about this man, I admit I love him and I just want to know what I did to make his mind change about me over night. I know he hasn't had many relationships and that his last one was over four years long... and we are both under 30. He had everyone who knows me fooled if this wasn't real, I do not date and everyone including my parents thought the chemistry we had and the way he treated me was completely genuine. I need to know if he will come back to me or if I really should just move on. Please someone help me, give me advise or insight to this depressing, hurtful situation. Should I go back to the coffee shop and act as though nothing happened and I am not hurt in order for him to talk to me again so I can get my closure?
I don't think you could really know that for sure unless they went to a physcian and was diagnosed. I'm bipolar, and I'm pretty sure my last ex husband was bipolar also. He had horrible mood swings, anger issues, sleeping issues, and was generally not a nice person. He was also still in love with his ex wife. (Which was why we got divorced.) While his ups and downs did nothing but generate fear in me, my ups and downs did nothing but enrage him! There are so many personality disorders out there as well as psychiatric problems, it would be hard to know for sure.
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