my son commited suicide, 5 months ago,help me understand, if he had bi-polar?
My son had a lot of anger issues since he was 16 years old, got into drugs and alcohol, for about 5 years, then got sober and away from it all by 24 years old, got married, and then had a bad relationship with his wife, plus they had a child, they where married for 5 years, he was almost 31 years old, had a lot of anger issues, but he was able to maintain himself until the last year, he and his wife went to a marriage couselor, and he was put on antidepressants. they never really worked well, he lost a friend to death and he and his wife got into a bad fight seperated, she wanted a dicvorce, he killed himself. edited form of what happened, so many other details. He drove recklessly and was a dare devil at times, he never talked grandios like they say or talked too much, but he loved sugar and icecream, and when he was happy he seemed very happy.
Bipolar Disorder (manic-depression) has an extremely high suicide attempt rate. It is the chief danger of the illness. Your son may well have had this desease and remained undiagnosed. A diagnosis of bipolar is often delayed until a person's middle-aged years, depending upon the severity of the symptoms. Another candidate illness that your son might have suffered from is Borderline Personality Disorder. It shares many of the same symptoms as Bipolar Disorder. Very, very sorry for you loss. mark, bipolar
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One additional comment: anti-depressants don't typically work for bipolar sufferers and in fact can exacerbate the condition by causing manic behavior. Psychiatrists are cautious, even reluctant to prescribe antidepressants to bipolars for this reason. mark
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tigre55
Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 09:49 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss, Tigre. There is no grief greater than a parent outliving his or her child. Last year, I lost a good friend to suicide. I do not pretend to know what your loss is like, but I have an inkling of an appreciation of what you are going through.
To try to answer your question:
Unless you find evidence of a diagnosis from an MD, you will never know if your son had bipolar. Yes, you have good reason to believe he may have had the illness, but even if he did there were clearly other factors involved, such as his marriage break-up.
I find it more helpful to look at things this way: Most of mental illness, not to mention personal distress, is the result of the brain being overloaded with too much input - thoughts, feelings, senses - without the means to sort out and control the overload. The result is all manner of reactions - from flipping out to withdrawing to creating fantasy realities to becoming emotionally numb to taking up bad habits such as drinking too much.
Even "normal" people crack under too much stress. Those of us with vulnerable brains (say that over-react to stress) are sitting ducks.
From what you described, clearly your son was living in a mental state of hell from which he saw no escape. Trust me, in this state, your son did not commit the act - the act committed him. Again, trust me - there is nothing you could have done. I know that you are second-guessing yourself on what you could have done, and this is normal. But also keep in mind there is no way you could have prevented this from happening.
I urge you to look after yourself. This is a very trying time for you. Hopefully, you are reaching out to friends and family. You may want to consider grief counseling or therapy or a support group. And please feel free to share your feelings on this site.
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tigre55
Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 09:54 PM
Thank you! I have went to grief counseling and talked to many others who have gone through what I have. I agree with you that I may never know for sure, but I believe he was not the person I knew, when he did this, my boy was a survivor, and something got to him, to get him this low, it hurts me deeply I wasn't aware of his misery and did more, but I know it may not have helped even if I was. But, thank you again for your imput!
Cheryl
Sunday, December 06, 2009 at 08:20 AM
John,
Your response makes so much sense. On the evening of November 25th my son's world became to much for him to bear. There was no rhyme or reason! I struggle every day thinking if I had said this or done that. He was 22 and lived in an apartment I had built for him in the garage. At birth he he was diagnosed with a neonatal sroke and seizures to follow at age 1. Doctors, medicine and lots of bad days. Then at 17 he suffered a full blown mental breakdown. Bipoar they said with psychotic features. More meds! He never drank or did drugs. Hated pills! He graduated with his class...regular classes and boy was we proud! He had the same wants and desires as any other young man and sometimes I feel guilty for pushing so hard for he expressed several times his life was no good. Mole hills became mountains! His cup was so full and the least thing would make it overflow. I have have spent my entire life trying to fix, trying to help him see how to work through the little simple things that we never give a second thought. I know he loved me and he knew I loved him. For a moment everything became to much for him and he could see no other way out. I miss him so much. Only our Lord knows what hell they had to live in. These ones are victims of suicide! The only comfort I can find is knowig that toay there is peace for my son.
Thank you for telling me that, I have read on the subject, some, and I think it may be possible, my son had one of those diseases.