I left my home country two years ago to retire in the sun. I had been depressed for most of my life and been prescribed parnate which proved highly suitable for me. However it is not available in the country in which I live now.  

When my supply ran out - I weaned myself off gradually - i managed for a while but many things went wrong.  Fortunately a friend of mine had some left and passed them on as they didn;t suit him.   What on earth will I do when these run out?  I was frequently seriously considering ending my life around Christmas. There might be a way out of here when things recover but right now I can't move or follow my wishes. I am stuck - and get bouts of anxiety and frequently sore, tired eyes.  Life has no meaning and under the mask I am always desperately sad.

I know the answer to most of my problems,(parnate apart) but because of circumstances I am unable to do anything and feel claustrophobic being unable to leave a place I don't like.

Please don't tell me to smile, learn a language or go to church.  I know that in the dark recessed of my mind there is something seriously wrong.