I'm in the same position but in that my husband ran off with another woman and took his paycheck with him, expecting me to pay the bills out of my paycheck and whatever he feels like giving me. He's bought plan tickets, video games, itunes for the girlfriend, drycleaning, and who knows what else. Meanwhile I'm 2 months behind on the mortgage and 1 month behind on the daycare. I haven't picked up my drycleaning in months. It's infuriating. Talking to him is like talking to a brickwall. My husband left because he didn't want to take care of me and my son anymore. He wanted to be taken care of. And he is. He has been living with his mistress for 4 months now. She's paid for everything. He's paid for next to nothing. As soon as I'm divorced I say "better her than me!"   My answer to you - A marriage is supposed to be partnership. He doesn't want a partnership. He wants you to take care of him. Like you said, he's 40 years old and you are not his mother. He needs to carry his weight. If he doesn't want to pay the bills get him to sign the mortgage/house over to you. Don't let him benefit from the equity you are building up in the house. Get your finances in order and tell him to hit the road and live off his mother. You are strong. You'll survive. Then you'll find someone who can really be your partner. He's no longer willing to put the effort into it anymore