I know how scary things must be for you and I really hope that you can find medication or a combo of that will help you.  Have you talked to your doctor about this?  If he is not listening or not trying other meds, I would think about finding a new psychiatrist.  There are so many drugs and combos of drugs out there that could be tried, so even though I know it seems like it will never get better, keep hope-you will eventually find the right meds.  It can take time, but keep a positive thought that you will find them.  What meds have you tried?  I am currently on seroquel, cymbalta, wellbutrin and sometimes clonazepam.  It seems like from talking to others that it usually takes more than one drug to treat bipolar.  I would definitely find a counselor or therapist to talk to and to learn about other ways to control your symptoms beyond the meds.  I would have an honest talk with my family also about what you are going through and how it is for you.  Ask for help from them, tell them you need their support and love.  You might even take them with you to the doctor so that they can understand your illness more.  It may help them to understand what you go through from day to day.  And you could research and get info for them to read up on the disease to help them cope better.  I hope that this helps even a little and really hope that you start feeling better soon.  I never thought I would feel "normal" again, and I am now the best I have been.  I still have bad days, but the good days definitely outweigh the bad ones!  Take care.