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Thursday, April 17, 2008 Confused, Community Member, asks

Q: I think my boyfriend has bipolar disorder. What can I do?

I am 26 years old woman who has been living with my boyfriend for two years. Sometimes he can be the most loving, generous, considerate person in the world, and then suddenly out of nowhere he will turn into a completely different person. He will stay out all night, drink until he passes out and say the most hurtful things to me. He left about a week ago after starting an argument with me, going into a rage and telling me he couldn't even look at me. This Jekyll and Hyde behavior has been going on for the past 9 months. He refuses to go to the doctor or admit anything is wrong.


Has anyone else experienced this with, and what did you do to convince your SO to get help? I try to be understanding, but I don't know how much longer I can put up with this.

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Answers (6)
Vicki M, Health Guide
4/18/08 3:21pm

Dear Confused,


It can be very disconcerting when you love someone who appears to be acting this way. The best thing you can do is educate yourself as much as you possibly can. You can not go to the doctor for him, nor can you make him go, but perhaps you can find a time when he will be receptive to listening to you and if you have the information handy, you might be able to convince him to see a doctor. Many people may feel there is a stigma in seeing a psychiatrist for an illness like bipolar, but nothing could be further from the truth.


So here are some links to help you arm yourself with information.


There is a great overview located here. You can read what bipolar is, how it affects the person who has it and how it affects those around them. The symptoms generally associated with being bipolar, the medicines prescribed for it and the treatments available.


Should you find yourself dealing with a crisis, then you can check this section to see what resources for options you may have. I don't get the impression that your boyfriend is acting out suicidal tendancies, but it never hurts to have.


I hope this helps. Please do stay in touch and let us know how things are going with you and your boyfriend.

Vicki M

Blueeyes, Community Member
4/23/08 8:31am

I wouldnt think that is bi polar .More of  a drinking problem

nadz, Community Member
9/ 2/09 8:41am


luk i onli found out dat mi boyfriend has bipolar we onli started to go out bt wen i am wiv em e makes me feel lik a princess i am little but older dan em.. e da most lvely person in da world wen ur wif em lik.. i onli finished a fella i was goin wiv nd i met em nd since i met em e makes me laugh nd happy lik so dats why i am stayin wiv em e makes me fell complete lik ! we r both young lik bt i am nat goin to walk away frm em e will b in mi life fereva even as a friend if we r nat together.. u cnt jus walk away frm sumwan wif bipolar dey need u more dan eva rite now it may nat seem lik dey dnt wiv all da swearin at u, goin out at all hours nd gettin drunk, nat takin u on sumtimes bt believe me u have to stand by him nd his family ! its wile sad ano bt jus fink wot goin on in his head lik !

i worry alot about em lik aswell.. lik e wrks wiv me nd he jus walk in a quit bt e doesnt mean to lik its nat his fault he has bipolar lik..doesnt mater wot anywan says to u, u no wots rite to do fer urself nd da kids if dat was me i wud stand by him cuz i no if any of us had it dey b standin by us wudnt ley !

gud luck hope u make da rite decision fer u nd ur kids


amber, Community Member
4/30/10 11:08pm

My boyfriend also has a similar problem, he has been diagnose and is undergoing treatment, but before he went to the doctor he would do the same things to me, be extremly nice, then extremly mean. he went to extreme measures to "calm himself" including drinking and drugs. the doctor explained it to me as a "void" and they look for something to fill the deep black hole with, which can cause alot of addiction if not caught early enough.

rikkia, Community Member
1/13/11 12:38pm

My boyfriend is the same way.. iam also trying to get him some help. i dont ever want to leave him. i have a temper problem as well but i have ways of controling them. but my boyfriend helps his by drinking and does drugs(weed) to calm himself down. i really want  him to get help. becausse i love him and dont want him to have a early death. like his uncle did. he thinks making it to 45 is a migcal thing :P....i love him but want him to get help..:(

dd, Community Member
1/15/11 11:52pm

I think my bf may be bipolar too.  He would never want to take meds because he is so the natural type.  My brother was diagnosed too and he didn't take meds because of the evil drug industry.  I love my bf soo much, but it really hurts me when he has these wierd ass episodes.  He usually acts out when he's extremely high on weed or drunk, which is rare.  Maybe it brings something out in him.  The weird thing that usually happens is he changes what he says all the time.  Months ago he said that he made a song for me then a couple of days ago he said that it wasn't for me.  I don't get it.  t makes me sad.  On new years eve he was stoned and drunk and he thought I was a demon.  I sadly curled up in my bed and wondered why he would treat someone he loves dearly that way.  Another time he was stoned on edibles and he turned pale and thought that people were watching him.  He's always unsure and it does seem like he searches to fill that void.  I don't know whta to do or wht to say to him.  Could this be a from of bipolar or psycitzophrena?  


michelle, Community Member
12/22/13 2:19pm

I can sympathise with every person on here, it is an all too sad reflection of my day to day dealings with my fiance. Ive told him I will not have a child until he sorts himself out as he's told me he will not go to the doctor and he will never be a 'pill popper'. I have lived with him for ten years like this and since Im now on tablets for anxiety, I can see myself his shifting mood and the cycles more clearly, I can feel when one is on the horizon as prior he's so upbeat and talkative when usually he's not at all. Its not often an immediate change but each shift of gear can last between 2 to 4 weeks, sometimes with normality between for a week. They're triggered by anything that upsets which he’ll keep inside, doesn't deal with at all and that's a trigger or a fear of something that's damaged him mentally in the past is going to happen again. Unfortunately I have been unfaithful to him, which of course, the fear of reoccurring is a trigger. This has been going for years and I do not want any children we have being subjected to his irrational reactions and being scared of him. He has finally been speaking to a counsellor and it has helped, but he's blown up again. Previously he'd said if it happened again to this extent he would to the doctor but still he won't. To make it more difficult, he's a police officer and fears loosing his job if he goes on medication which is the only thing I believe will free him from struggling against this. Of course these blowups are often directed at me and is blamed on his fears of bad things happening. My question is how do I get him to the doctor and to speak openly about it. The people who are being treated, i would like to ask their partners/family, how did you manage to get through to them that this will not get better on its own!? Thanks if u can help?

wishes, Community Member
5/17/11 11:45pm

im also 26 years old and i also think my boyfriend is bipolar, he recently proposed to me and we have a 3 year old son we have been together for almost 6 years and ive been going threw the mood swings with him for about 2 years now and im emotionally drained from it! sometimes he would just wake up in the morning mad at me and i dont know why, he says very hurtful things to me when we argue ,curses, yells, and even would punch a hole threw the wall , he never backs down and neither do i ,i think when i dont back down he gets worse but i refuse to shut down! and then 4 hours later its like nothing happen,sometimes he would even say sorry and if i dont except him when hes trying to be "normal" all hell will break loose again! ive told him he needs help but he thinks im crazy!!!! its very sad because he doesnt even try to hear me out , and when i cry he treats me even worse he will say "your such a big f@cking baby!" . if this behavior doesnt stop , there will be no wedding i refuse to go on with this unless he gets help

Dolly Clark, Community Member
10/23/13 9:38am

Hi - I can totally relate to what you are saying.  I have a very similar situation going on with my partner, he can be loving, generous and supportive but then will change into a depressive, isolated, abusive monster who doesnt want to spend time with me.  He can tell me he loves me 5 times a day, then change into a different person, you can never win an argument with him as he thinks he is always in the right, he literally thinks he is a genius.  I love him but am at my wits end, is there anyone out there who has a similar situation, Id really appreciate some advice.  Im finding it difficult to distinguish between a relationship that I should stick with and be prepared to take some hard times, to making the decision to sell the house and have an emotionally easier life. 

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By Confused, Community Member— Last Modified: 12/24/13, First Published: 04/17/08