I think I have been bipolar since around 18. I am 40. My family refuses to accept that I have this deavastating illness. I just accepted it the last 2 years. I am starting to recognize when I am in a state.I am afraid to go to a live support group so I am asking here if someone can assist it is greatly appreciated.

1-I am waiting for Transcranial magnetic stimulation to be approved for bipolar. I mainly have the depresion side of bipolar2. Is there any real evidence that it will work for bipolar as opposed to major depression? Or will it send someone into a hypomanic state.

2-Is it possible that a bipolar (anger side) of bipolar lasts for around 3 hours. I felt really angry then now I am fine.

3-I have powerful emotional feelings. What do you do, or tell yourself when these tims come? I am afraid to have a romantic relationship because I will be devastated if it does not work out. Yet I am terrified to live when my Mother dies. I have seriuosly considered taking Nebutal as I feel someone with these mental illnesses have a right to die as other people who are physically in pain. Most espcially since none of my medical trials have worked in 16 years. I believe in the right to die a dignified death. (Exit International)

4- I am not sure if Obsessive compulsive disorder (obsessive rummination) is part of bipolar or is it part of ADD. But I rumminate all the time especially when I am driving. I have gotten into a lot of accidents over the years and my insurance is outrageous. Any ideas with meds. I just started Strattera but all of the other meds for add put me into a manic state. Yet, my family does accept I have an attention problem. I don't want to paralyze myself or someone else in an accident. I was told to put it on a cloud and let it floa away. $150 a session (unemployed also for 4 years). I think someone has better advice for me then that. When anger is justified I do not express it to the person who is being cruel but take it out at home (the only place I have anyone who cares about me) Why do I do this?

Any help is appreciated. Now see why people kill themselves over this disease. It is a hell of a way to live.

Thanks DB