how can i stop myself from hurting myself?

thank you for your message. I am going to see a mental health professional today, but i'll be honest i really don't want to go and i'm terrified. I spent yesterday in a very low state, the only time i felt a little lifted was when i started to write in my diary and allowed my mind to slip to the ida of suicide, and then my words began to run away with me and as strange as it may sound i felt a little excited about the controll i had, being able to plan every aspect of my death, even now in the cold light of day i am still a little elevated when i talk about that. I know that I the real me need to live, i have a daughter and my father committed suicide two year ago, but the person that seem to be me more and more wont be around for long.

     Don t worry , i think things will get better for you.  When you feel

 suiciadal,  as most of us have been there,  please go directly to the hospital.

             do you have a toll free mental health crisis phone number? your

   local hospital should have it.

           can you get a social worker?

        sorry to hear about your dad and  such a tradgedy, but he wouldnt have

wanted you to hurt yourself, pick up the phone, instead of hurting yourself,

  and call that number right away , or the hospital.  

at that point i haven't actually taken any step to begin committing suicide so i don't think i can go to hospital, as at that point there's nothing actually wrong with me other than really wasnting to die. no i don't have that number yet but i think i need to get it soon. the appointment yesterday was horrible and now i've got to wait around for the verdict of what to do with me, should find out something today. what woould i get a social worker for?

   if you are still wanting to die,  (i know the feeling)  then it means your

medication , maybe they ll give you a bit of or more anti depressant.

        you need a med change,  and if a pdoc cant do that for you  , then

you should go to the hospital  or phone them and tell them what you are

thinking.  Its serious, and you deserve, to be feeling better.

         don t wait around for any verdict, you arent on trial, youre the victim here

 who isnt getting the proper treatment. ok. 

          if you cant get a mental health number, call a women s shelter

near you, they ll have this number for you !!!!

            a social worker can make sure you are getting treated properly

  and discuss your moods with you, so that you know, you arent going

crazy,  they make you feel better, and work with hospitals and doctors,

and mental health workers.

            even if you have nt attempted suicide, it is still a serious matter to

act up on  right  away , in  these ways,  if you can t get the thoughts of

wanting to die out of your head,  its ' intent' to commit suicide, and meds

and therapy can help you get rid of them.   Hope youre feelin better soon.

                              polarbear

thank you. As I say I have only just been diagnosed so they only just gave me meds yesterday, thet've started me on anti psychotics: Olanzapine 5mg. So I need to wait and see how they affect me. Will have to get some numbers just in case. I do want to live, the level headed me doesn't want to do anything stupid and it's got to a point where I dread the other me coming back, because she has the potenial to ruin everything with one rash decision to end things. I really wish I could tell my boyfriend how I'm feeling but the look on his face scares me and I really don't want to hurt him with my feelings. Was going to write him a letter but the words can't be unspoke so I'm very reluctant

  Glad you have a medication.  i wouldnt worry about anything too much,

   until you ve been on the meds. long enough, to where you feel comfortable

 to  talk about it. and in other words, since you are taking the med, he should

be concerned about your feelings.........i dont see anything wrong with  a letter.

           Easy does it........

I know what you are going through - my stepdad, who I was very close to committed suicide five years ago - very suddenly, but because of a horrible depressive episode. We had very little if any warning.

You need to be very brave and go see your mental health professional and be assertive. You are not crazy darling - you are going through the eye of the illness, and that is a debilitating place to be. Absolutely do not harm yourself. If you start to feel like hurting yourself, then you need to go and be with people to distract yourself, even though you feel like crawling in a hole and dying.  As far as planning your death and feeling "high" while planning, that is a typical bipolar thing, and yes, there is help, and what you are going through is very treatable.  Do NOT hurt yourself. If you feel unable to control your impulse, and feel overwhelmed, you should go to the Emergency Department of your local hospital and tell them exactly what you are going through.  They deal with this sort of thing quite frequently, and all they will want to do is keep you safe from self-harm, and to help to start conquering this thing with some medication and counseling -which is extremely beneficial.  You need help now. Don't wait.

I wish you the very best of help, and I am praying for you.

JeshuaJane

your response was very helpful thank you so much. I think I'm scared  of going to the emergency room with my issues, mainly because I'm a mum and the idea of  them not letting me back out or deeming me unstable or  unable to take care of my daughter. this always stops  me from going and seeking the help. The doctors have now put me on some medication which seems to be inducing  false highs but is really helping with  my lows, but no one has ever mentioned  talking therapy which I'm finding very frustrating because i'm keeping the rest bottled up and just being medicated and sent on my way

Thank you for your reply. I can tell you this - I have been hospitalized on four occasions in the last seven years (because I wasn't on the right medication combination) and every time I have been hospitalized, it was through the emergency department of a hospital.   They did not even mention trying to take my children away or involve the state's social services.  What they did do upon my discharge from the hospital was to connect me with the hospital's social worker, who provided me with a wealth of resources for help on the outside - a counselor, day treatment program through the hospital, as well as a psychiatrist.  Counseling is a must for bipolar people, as you need someone to help you unwind your thoughts and tormented mind.  One thing you also need to know, which I think I forgot to mention before, is that fear of getting help is absolutely normal and highly common with any mental disorder, and it will stop you from getting the help you need. So you need to realize this is normal, you are not alone, and step beyond your fear, be very brave and ask for the help you need.  

I hope I have been of further help to you. I am praying hard for you psychological freedom from the bondage of this disorder.

JeshuaJane

thank you  so much. my next appointment  isn't until early october and i'm a bit worried about being left alone for  so long. my new meds as i say seem to be ok at the moment but because everyon e  can see i'm ok everything else is being bottle up, it seems like  i can't  control  or understand my  own thoughts, everything is happening so fast in my head that when i try to  convey them o trip over m y words and can't understand them lon g enough to explain them. i can't tell you how  frustrating this is and i end up just feeling incredibly stupid.

I worried about my daughter being taken off me because if i was hospitalised their would  be no one else to take care of her