why are bipolar people selfish - Relationships

9/26/08 1:58pm

yes people with bipolar are able to love others!!! they are selfish because being bipolar makes want, you feel like having things whatever you want when you want it.

Puppet

9/23/08 10:47pm

sounds like you're kinda in a crisis..your post was short but desperate. Im sorry this is starting off so scarey for you. it IS always darkest before the dawn, your husband was just diagnosed? usually you get to that point after some major turmoil.. it can get better, be managed, with meds..diet, exercise, talk therepy and most of all TONS of information for you both and others involved.

YES poeple who have bipolar can love.. and not everyone with bipolar is selfish. we need more info from ya to help you with the details. are you wondering if your husband loves you? cant find the answer here like its a magic8ball. but if its come as a question for you during a manic episode for him, i can understand why. hang on, hang out..this is a good site, lotsa wisdom here.

juicetee6

7/24/10 8:47am

thank you so very much and i am still hanging in there. it's still hard but with meds and therapy i am learning and he is getting the help he needs

Leveling out

9/23/08 11:06pm

Personally I was overwhelmed by my life. Fulltime job, 2 hour commute, I was not feeling well at all, people wanted more than I could give. I had no suppport at that time. They just thought the worst of me. We are looking for things to make us feel better. Then my husband made a doctor appt, and went along. It was a whole new ball game. He is supportive. I feel guilty he is doing so much and I am bedridden for days. He feels guilty he didn't see it sooner. He is the one in contact with the doctors. I love him more than ever. I love my children and my grandchildren. Just because I am BP doesn't mean I can't love. Sometimes you have to put on a happy face with a grandchild, and it takes a toll. I quit my job and have fixed a lot of areas of my life that were triggers.

Mania_Extreme

9/24/08 3:37am

I am a newbie to this site...and new to Bipolar too for that matter! Although they tell me I have had this my whole life, I was only diagnosed with Bipolar Type 1 just under 3 weeks ago. Many people, including my friends & family have told me over the years that I am selfish, and for a long time I actually believed them.

But now that I've started doing research on this disorder of mine, I am learning that, although we appear selfish to others, we are actually just unwell, and incapable of being more than what we are in any given moment. We may also appear on the outside to be uncaring and unemotional but, I know for me at least, on the inside I actually care quite alot but just don't know how to show it to those around me.

I can't speak for ur husband, but I am pretty sure that underneath the Bipolar behaviour, there is a loving, caring man who just isn't capable in that moment of expressing how he really feels.

Hope this helps you in some way :-) Don't give up on him...he will need your strenght and support to get through this...none of us can do it alone.

HP

10/ 2/08 2:00pm

Wow, that's quite the statement. I don't know that Bipolar people are any more selfish than non-bipolar. I would say that I for one am completely able to love others. I have a wonderful partner and a well adored son. I know many people in long term relationships which contain bipolar partners and non-bipolars.

Anytime you deal with someone with an illness, there is a certain amount of "extra" effort it takes. I like to think of myself as a little more high maintenance;) If your experience leads you to believe that bipolar people are selfish then I am sorry for that experience. We are all human. We love, we hate, we can be giving and loving and we can be self-absorbed.

Henry

5/14/12 9:40pm

Yes, but can people count on you? Are you reliable? What excuses do you give when you can't deal with things and constantly let people down?

Leveling out

11/19/08 11:28pm

We may appear selfish. Before my husband realized I had a real problem he told me it wasn't all about me. We are looking for answers. We need support or we will die. My husband then gave me a lot of support, the support I had needed for 30 years and we were never closer. Now he thinks I am better and he is backing off and I no longer want to be here. Cause I really am not better. If you want to be with a BP you need to understand them and be willing to give a lot cause we will give a lot in return.

jakki

6/30/10 7:09pm

I have been with my husband who has BP for 24 years,

he has had 22 episodes at both ends ot the scale usually starting with a slight depression,followed by 4 months hospitalized with mania followed by several months of clinical depression and more drugs and more hospital.we've done the usuall money spending and the strip clubs years ago but now it centres mainly on religion.

I would say that he is detached,self absorbed and unimotional most of the time.He rarely speaks and we dont converse unless we've reached that point where i am so fed up being on my own in this marriage that i try and have a conversation with him,but to no avail.I tried again today to try and bridge the gap but he is not interested.I sleep on the sofa as it is easier than sharing a bed and feeling lonely.He is incredibly selfish and although the doctors diagnosed him WITH bp,i feel that over the years he has labeled himself as BP.

Everything he does or does not do is because of it.He says if he is not sick then he is well,i dispute that,an existance is not living and it should never be enough.

He expects me to accept that this is ok because he is ok,but WE are not ok and that doesn't matter,we dont matter,i dont matter.

If i could do it all over again,i would not,i would get out of it.

I tell my children never marry someone with BP as you will never have your own life.

loveisstrong87

7/22/10 9:06pm

harsh 24 years i can understand the frustrastion not fully becuase im only on 5 years with mine we di the drug addiction mostly through my pregnancies were i was supposed to be on bedrest becuase we were diagnosing a heart condition, the huge deppression bouts were hed stay in bed for weeks at a time but some people are built for job i belive everyone has someone i love him alot but i find wene bipolar hits drug addiction is wene life turns upside down then if and once off them just like an non-bipolar person, will have them changed forever everything said i feel now, im still holding on, but i find that it sound as if you fed his negitive behavere with your own, you cant hold all bp people the same, but i like not having a life only focused on me, wouldnt that make me pretty selfish!?! if i want it to work, im must work and if he does not TRY, THEN I SHOULD STOP TRYING dont scare people from trying to help people.

juicetee6

10/24/10 2:25pm

I meant selfish in the little things in life. for example spending all the money on oneself and not caring how we are going to pay the bills. Because of my husbands bipolar we have been financially destroyed and sometimes I am exausted. I now have to do everything including take care of my two children who dont understand. since the diagnosis and counseling plus medication things have gotten a lot better so it does seem like selfishness to me but things are better.

sadprincess

3/19/12 11:54am

Hello

I am not sure if this post is still viewable lol , but i just started reading and really never posted, even though I should . Wow it is a long story , (a fairy tale , that has turned into a nightmare)

saddened

3/19/12 11:55am

Hello

I am not sure if this post is still viewable lol , but i just started reading and really never posted, even though I should . Wow it is a long story , (a fairy tale , that has turned into a nightmare)

trying to hold on

7/17/11 5:45pm

It is very difficult but I am hoping to let go but be understanding. It is not an easy task. I have Crohn's disease and stress triggers the onset of the condtion .. I love my babydoll but it is not a task I feel that I am srtong enough at times...

loveisstrong87

7/22/10 8:48pm

my husband is bipolar and at times it does seem very much like he doesnt love me and more of a need, its relly hard weve gone through two pregnacies were it was more about him the me and the baby but now on number three and still the same i have seen how much he loves me and hell show it in a very strong manner but other times it feels like he only cares about himself the real question is "do you love him?" if you do then you can see that rather than selfish its more that he needs you and are you willing to give him your all it takes a strong person to stand up strong to keep a relationship strong, then again there are other personality traits that stand in with the bipolar that are not caused by it, youll have to venture into his past with family to see which is from which. good luck hun its hard but bipolar can aslo be more loving than a perfectly heathy person and it worth it to feel it

juicetee6

7/24/10 8:45am

thank you so much for your candid answer. we went through the same thing with three pregnancies and it was all about him two of those pregnancies were with fertility treatments so i didn't understand it all. it's been about a year now and we are still going through it. marriage counseling, individual therapy for him me and my eldest daughter, medication for him. learning that the addiction to porn the lying, has nothing to do with me, the gambling and putting us in financial ruin was part of the illness. i sometimes feel like his mother than his wife, i need to help him be well so that my family can be well, and just when i can't take anymore a glimpse of him comes out the loving person who i met years ago, i know he's still in there. i try to put myself in his shoes and realize that he did not ask for this illness but it will always be a part of him i love him but to love the whole man i have to love the bipolar part as well.

tryingtolovebp

10/ 8/11 4:53pm

Wow, thank you both for sharing. I am pregnant now with a bipolar husband and an 18 month old, and I'm exhaused. But it's not about anything I want, it's all about him. Which really then makes me angry.

Its comforting to know that there are other women out there who have gone through this...cause there are days I don't know how much more I can take.

I know these were posted over a year ago, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing!

Ilona

10/23/10 6:49pm

We don't mean to be. We're born this way. Although it often seems to be interpreted that way. It's in our DNA or something. Sometimes we get self absorbed and withdrawn. Sometimes we can't control our thoughts, emotions or behavior. It's not a choice. We're born this way.

Ilona

10/23/10 6:50pm

We don't mean to be. We're born this way. Although it often seems to be interpreted that way. It's in our DNA or something. Sometimes we get self absorbed and withdrawn. Sometimes we can't control our thoughts, emotions or behavior. It's not a choice. We're born this way.

stellarness

10/24/10 3:22pm

we most certainly can! my boyfriend and i are both bi-polar and have been together going on three years now. what i did was when things started becoming too much and i just couldnt take it anymore i would find something i could really get into- like an awesome book or a good tv show- then i would calm down for a little because of the entertainment and talk myself through the reasons why we are together and why he's acting like he is but in order for this to work you have to be acceptant of the fact that the bi-polar is there and its there to stay and that he understands whats going on he just cant help it and that its *not necessarly a reflection of how he feels about you.

take a step back and analyze the situation- talk a minute to yourself.

loopy

4/18/11 8:35am

Hi there..

Selfish! Yes.. well speaking for myself. I am looking at various forums because i am on a breaking ppoint.

I am 27 and have 3 amazingly funnt and gorgeous kids. Not to mention a truely devoted Husband, drop dead gorgeous and although he was not so wonderful in the beginning is now perrrfect. I think thats what is making e so crazy.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar and put on all sorts of drugs about 2 years ago. I have suffered with manic depression my whole life but just thought i was just odd. Always in my head nd extremes of moods and very impulsive.

My husband and i break up all the time and i have to start at the very beginning each tme. That doesnt scare me. I have no job because of our constant moving around but that is half the challenge. I am also a musician and is my best theropy or can be the oppoosite.

Anyway, we broke up 2 years ago and i was totally on break down, because of being with him and in the "life" i was living! or so i thought. My husband made me see various doctors and therepists to get help. I was still convinced it was because i felt trapped, married young, missed feling good and wanted to feel horny again!!

sounds all very silly i know.

I am inside a very self dwelling human and can push the most fantastic things away from myself. But also very opposite. I want to please everyone and hate failing in anything.

when we broke up I got a job and had a place for me and the kids and my husband was in bits and became very posessive. I started to drink heavily and wanted to be such a biatch. I just wanted to piss everyone off. I hate myself at the end of everyday. And this is not my humble character but with all the paranoier and living analysing everything i was a wreck.

I was put on all sorts of meds and felt dead inside. I hated it. I quite like any feeling although i cannot cope. At least you can feel pin or love.

these pills .. (loads of them) made me worse. I had to down bottles of wine and listen to music all night to get a tear from with in. and i would try to cry out my pain but couldnt.

We got back together because my husband was hard to deal with and i couldnt bare seeing him a weak mess. Not because i fell back in love. I was just pressured by everyone and i had no back up support of my own. The guilt was harder to deal with then anything.

Anyway.. I got pregnant and came off all pills. I really hit rock bottom.

I became vry low, lowere in a more psycotic way. I used to hide under the bed, write all sorts of hurtful notes, showere with my clothes on and punch my own face if my husband came anywhere near me.

Eventually in later pregnancy i started to feel better.. better then ever. i convinced myself i was fine.. Healed!! and i was on top of the wold. WOW

No one can bring me down.

It went on for a few months.. a few bad times but i was so high it just took a cold shower and a walk in the sunshine.

Now we have hit a terrible stage again. We never "do th deed" He would love to and seems to love me more then ever. I am just scrumpled up like a a prune and cant breath with out attacks and crying screaming, being nasty. he wont let me go and all i want to do is run away.

But because i alwys try to do the right thing i just hold everything inside and drink a lot and cry a lot.

Now i am at the end and feel just as bad as before and just moved abroad again. I am totally lost and wish i coulnt get like this. i hate myself for the way am so selfish. I feel it should be easier to deal with it by myself and just make my family hate me and let myself cope with all the reasoning?

i am scared t take pills for it NOW, and cant do anything. So if you fear your lover is leaving youbecause of bipolar it might be. I am very unclear and want to so much and am very selfish inside. Not by coice. I would love to be grown up enough and simple in my mind to just take every day as it comes. It just isnt working.

bipolarmama

5/20/12 4:03pm

Yes bipolar people are able to love. I have bipolar disorder and depression disorder and I have a boyfriend that I have been with for 4 years. I love him unconditionally and I will continue to love him. It is true that it is hard for some bipolar people to love but not all of us is in that category. Just like some bipolar people can be selfish but that doesn't mean that all of us are selfish. People who are bipolar and are unable to love and are selfish cannot help the way they are. They don't choose to be selfish or choose to be unable to love that is simply their illness taking over them which is why they need to be medicated so they can start to feel better and live their normal lives again!!

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