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Thursday, June 19, 2008 Sandy, Community Member, asks

Q: When do you walk away from an abusive person that is bipolar????

I am new to the site but I need advise...My boyfriend is living with Bipolar his Dr changed his meds to one he was told Jim could not take...Now I have two black eyes broken nose gas on forhead and a broken rib...He spent the night in jail but I took the blame for all of it and told them he was Bipolar and I had just pushed his bottons...People think I am crazy because I love him and still want to be with him and help him...Any ideas out there??????

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Answers (11)
John McManamy, Health Guide
6/29/08 1:32am

Hi, Sandy. You're lucky to be alive. You should no more be living in the same house with a violent boyfriend than you would with a furnace that is about to blow up. You're in danger and need to remove yourself from that danger at once.

 

As for your boyfriend - he obviously knew the meds weren't right for him. He did not have to take the meds. He could have insisted on different meds. He could have found another pdoc. Instead, if I read you correctly, he knowlingly took meds that would cause a bad reaction.

 

You need to put yourself first.

 

I know how hard this is for you, but your friends and family are all telling you the same thing. Please listen.

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rebecca, Community Member
9/28/10 10:57pm

hi my name is rebecca ive been with a bipolar person for 4yrs and we have a daughter together and he beats me and threatens to kill me and my daughter and he doesnt want help and i left him and im having to live with his parents until i get my own place and hes trying to kill me hes done put a shot gun to my head i dont know what to do i really think hes going to kill me

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rebecca, Community Member
9/28/10 11:20pm

hi my name is rebecca ive been with a bipolar person for 4yrs and we have a daughter together and he beats me and threatens to kill me and my daughter and he doesnt want help and i left him and im having to live with his parents until i get my own place and hes trying to kill me hes done put a shot gun to my head i dont know what to do i really think hes going to kill me

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mcitylife, Community Member
12/ 6/13 8:12pm

im bi poplar and peole treat us like its the AIDS of the 21 st century. i knew i had something wrong and found the BEST dr and got the right meds the first time.

i take lamactal 300 mg and the cost is $650 a month but lucky i get mine in israel and it costs $100  month for the real stuff.  my family walk away because they can not handle its a genetic disease.  they are in dential... im working with an agency to stop the stigma like everyone here has and just walked away instead of finding a love one help.

patrick kenndey is bringing back JFK's mental health initiative. most family members would rather you have a heart attack,some broken bones or have cancer.

my family went to one family support group walked out saying the leader was a jerk. it just shows how they have as much anger as i did before i was helped.

shame on eveyone here for saying just walk out thats the easy way out for intellectually challenged people who wont educated themselves like my family.

bi poplar people dont wake up and say i want to be bi poplar, its a chemical inbalance. its a medical condition.  when we dont talk about bi poplar it will only cause more shooting like last year in the school.

do as you all think is right but one here is right , shame on u all 

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mcitylife, Community Member
12/ 6/13 9:21pm

do as you all think is right but no one is right, walk away show no love for a love one.

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christi401, Community Member
6/21/08 12:28am

Living with a bipolar person is hard enough because many times verbal abuse is associted with this behavior. However, if you are not married and he is physically abusive I can promise you if and when you get married it will only get worse. Get out now before you get pregnant or get married. Trust me.. I am here dealing with it now and I can tell you it is best to get out without any strings attached. That means not kids or marriage. Make a clean break and make it now before it gets worse because it will even though he is sorry, Respond if you like....

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KAYTE, Community Member
7/ 3/08 2:03pm

GET RID OF HIM, I HAVE BEEN THERE AND WAS ALMOST KILLED BY A BIPOLAR HUSBAND.  THEY WILL ONLY GET WORSE NEVER BETTER, HAVE HIM JAILED AT EVERY THREAT, EVERY STALKING SITUATION, ETC,  FILE A POLICE REPORT PAPER TRAIL ON EVERY TIME HE ACTS OUT IN ANY WAY TOWARDS YOU.  THEY DO NOT GO AWAY EASILY, MINE WAS NICKNAMED THE PREDATOR, BECAUSE OF ALL THE TIMES HE MADE HARRASSING CALLS TO MY JOB.  THAT WAS SEVERAL YEARS AGO, BUT TRUST ME YOU DON'T NEED IT IN YOUR LIFE, WALK AWAY AND DO NOT LOOK BACK OR TELL HIM HOW TO CONTACT YOU.

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Cheryl, Community Member
7/28/08 4:13pm
When do you walk away? You walk away the minute that he puts his hands on you. Just because someone has an illness does not give them the right to inflict physical pain on you. They must be responsible for their actions. I don't know how long you have been with this person but ask yourself do you "love" this person or are you "in love", if you are "in love" is it with the person you are with now or the person he used to be? Bipolars can be very charming when they are not cycyling this is what makes it so hard to leave, I know, I am there now, my husband has never been physically abusive but there is only so much one person can take. You are lucky there is a "next time", if you don't take care of yourself .... you may not ever be able to write on this board again. Reply
hearts, Community Member
2/25/10 3:51am

  You must consider yourself to be important! I am dating a recently diagnosed newly medicated guy with bipolar who used to break everything that was mine throw things at me corner me in rooms break down dorrs ive locked myself behind for my own protection,he has tried to isolate me from every friend and member of my family plus cut me and all of them down...you do need to realize i have removed myself several times due to his destruction...they are mentally ill. if they do not want to take their meds at the same time everyday,go to therapy for ALL issues(talk therapy,drug abuse,anger management,ect),get the proper sleep,diet and exercise they require,and deal with their illness then you are a glutton for punishment...it is not your job to fix them,you do not need to feel or be made to feel guilty if you leave,  main question to you as you probably also had bad luck and self esteem issues dating before as i have, even though they seemed to adore you at first that unwavering attention became a ziploc baggie and YOU dont have to allow him to keep you in it...my question is...if you knew what he was like ,knowing what you know of him now, if you could go back to the beginning would you ever date him?! you know your answer as i know mine, its a big fat no. yes i love my guy too, but if they dont help themselves BY THEMSELVES you are hurting them,,,not helping them,my guy has done more to help himself since i packed a bag to stay with my parents...i wont go back until he straightens it out for himself because when i gave in right away...nothing change! he has physically harmed me as well,not to your degree though,you may need counseling as i have taken for myself to know that you were put here to live your life..is this what you dreamt of doing with it?! hell no its not...so help him and yourself...pack a bag or 2,put it AND yourself in the car with your phone and purse be outside in your car , near people say meet him at a busy gas station for your safety ...SAFETY FIRST...and be ready to leave with the car running when you talk to him..tell him you love him and dont tell him where youre going...dont.tell him he has to get himself straightened out because you dont deserve this.Because YOU DONT! And get yourself into a counseling center with a flexible pay scale.. some are as low as $15/session and well worth it ! leave for at least 2 weeks to rethink your life and youll see and feel a change..you havent been respected..you must respect yourself enough when others dont... you must say thats it im pulling myself out of this situation...or hanging up the phone...respect yourself....bipolar may not be their fault but when they wont do anything about it...its abuse and you have been so so abused.. if your child went through what youve been through...it should pain you enough to leave and never return...that relationship is a death sentence...please save your own life by leaving...you are hurting everyone who loves you...including you! That is not love !

 With my whole heart i wish God gives you strength...that you may turn all the love you have into yourself !

      *~ serenity prayer~* 

Lord help me to accept the things that i cannot change

the strength to change the things i can

and the wisdom to KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

make him take care of himself stop enabling him to abuse you i dont want you dead...people with bipolar dont just commit suicide they kill people..you just cant find it on the internet very often..trust me ive looked and only found it in 2 links...i also asked the operator @ the number below..just ask them !!!

PLEASE call this number you need help its the

 Depression Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA)    1(800)826-3632

your family didnt bring you into this world to have you die at the hands of your boyfriend...treatment is his only option for the rest of his life....you have every option !!! GOD BLESS YOU>>>WITH ALL MY LOVE>>>SAVE YOURSELF !!!!!

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Imaginethat, Community Member
3/ 2/10 2:38am

Please, please heed the advice of others here and WALK AWAY!  It may be difficult at first but believe me, if you don't walk away you are in for so much grief you can't even fathom it! Whenever there is an abusive situation, you need to get out of it as fast as possible.  It can be physical abuse or verbal abuse, or a combination of the two. Abuse will only escalate as time goes by.  It doesn't end, believe me.  If you stay and accept this abuse then the situation really does become YOUR fault.  Don't expect that you will be popular with the abuser or those that may side with him (friends, family). You won't be popular with him and some others, but you're not trying to win a popularity contest here.  You are trying to save yourself further pain and suffering, and yes, perhaps even death.  Please get out while the getting is good.  Do it now!

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Imaginethat, Community Member
3/ 2/10 2:39am

Please, please heed the advice of others here and WALK AWAY!  It may be difficult at first but believe me, if you don't walk away you are in for so much grief you can't even fathom it! Whenever there is an abusive situation, you need to get out of it as fast as possible.  It can be physical abuse or verbal abuse, or a combination of the two. Abuse will only escalate as time goes by.  It doesn't end, believe me.  If you stay and accept this abuse then the situation really does become YOUR fault.  Don't expect that you will be popular with the abuser or those that may side with him (friends, family). You won't be popular with him and some others, but you're not trying to win a popularity contest here.  You are trying to save yourself further pain and suffering, and yes, perhaps even death.  Please get out while the getting is good.  Do it now!

Reply
Imaginethat, Community Member
3/ 2/10 2:39am

Please, please heed the advice of others here and WALK AWAY!  It may be difficult at first but believe me, if you don't walk away you are in for so much grief you can't even fathom it! Whenever there is an abusive situation, you need to get out of it as fast as possible.  It can be physical abuse or verbal abuse, or a combination of the two. Abuse will only escalate as time goes by.  It doesn't end, believe me.  If you stay and accept this abuse then the situation really does become YOUR fault.  Don't expect that you will be popular with the abuser or those that may side with him (friends, family). You won't be popular with him and some others, but you're not trying to win a popularity contest here.  You are trying to save yourself further pain and suffering, and yes, perhaps even death.  Please get out while the getting is good.  Do it now!

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herk2, Community Member
4/26/10 3:39am

Hi, I don't have much direct experience with bipolar, but my sister was diagnosed with it about 6 months ago (but has been suffering with it for years). Her marriage collapsed and her husband kicked her out of their household. She returned to live with my parents and is now making their lives a living hell! She won't take her medication, and is back on methamphetamine , drinks to excess and is very verbally abusive to them. She also steals anything that's not bolted down and is a pathological liar. Since moving home, she has tried to commit suicide once and has been in the hospital multiple times with various problems. Recently for self-inflicted injuries.

 

My sister has huge problems because of this disorder, which not only is destroying her, but everyone close to her. Every time you think she is better, she just gets worse. My advice to you is to run, don't walk away from this person. Press charges and keep him in jail. My sister has had many run-ins with the law and people always came to her rescue and bailed her out, further enabling her to act impulsively and without consequences for her actions.  Your boyfriend will not get better. I have been at the other end of one of my sister's hysterical psychotic episodes, not fun. Luckily she has not been violent towards other people.

 

GET OUT NOW!!!

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Keebler, Community Member
8/15/10 12:30am

you're dangerously enabling this person which will go on for years and years. Tell him to get the right person to help him, which by the way is very difficult but extremely important, or leave him.

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rose, Community Member
3/ 1/11 12:41pm

This painfuly hurts me to admit that i have had a bipolar boyfriend for years. We have never moved in together so I have always been able to take breaks and walk away. There have been many times he has hurt me sexually pining me down and doing hurtful things to me he has shoved objects up me while doing other things.Like many other sites I have been reading they have a huge sexual appitiate which so did I. In the begining the sex was great. Over the years it has just turned ruff all the time.I always have brusies many brusies. I haven't any friends left because they got tired of hearing me and me always going back to him. I dont make any new friends cause they will do the same. I have told myself he just likes it like that its ok i should too and i dont want him looking else where. I remember when the sex was great and want it back and have tried telling him that he says ok but then it is always painful. It took me along time to admit that i am his punching bag and he doesn't have to punch me he just takes all his fustrations out sexualy and it makes it ok cause it is labled kinky. Just like all the other sites say he dreams big but can never hold a job. The atraction to bipolars are they can be the best ride u ever had so much fun. Then the ride changes and it is the worst ride of ur life u keep waiting for the ride to go up again but see only glimps, they r smart dont think they do not know what they r doing, so it keeps u hooked yes it is an addiction on my part. They r fun when they have no responsiblities mouching off other people collecting unemployment but when that ends they keep looking for there next ride cause they can not do the day to day.U r constantly in a state of must save them but in reality they live off this energy of survivial.They steal ur sprit.Whenever u get it back and have had enough they r so sweet u think i so love this man he is my bestfriend that is ur mistake because it is short lived and before u know it u r saying what the heck happened he did it again how did i let him steal my self again. I have been doing yoga and the meditation that goes along w it. I have a stronger sence of self and self worth and advise anyone who has loved or love a bipolar to find ur inner sprit. U can still love this person from afar but detach urself.Dont relive all the awlful things he has done or all of the wonderful things he has done cause that keeps u in the cycle and if u haven't figured it out yet look and u will see the cycle. Insanity is doing the samething over and over and expecting different results and they do make u insane. Anger is the posion u drink when u r wishing it on someone else. Fill ur thoughts with other things.Get involved with real causes that have ansewers and stop spining ur wheels.

with love to anyone who reads this 

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koukla422, Community Member
8/20/12 5:19pm

Thank you. EXACTLY what I am going through - exactly.

Thank you - thank you - I hope my spirit is not completely destroyed...

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By Sandy, Community Member— Last Modified: 02/03/14, First Published: 06/19/08