Q: I was finally diagnosed with bipolar 2 after years of depressive and often suicidal episodes. Now I can't afford the meds or the psychiatric treatment.
I was finally diagnosed with bipolar 2 after years of depressive and often suicidal episodes mixed with times of extreme energy that often continued until I simply collapsed. I have gone through the gauntlet of sleep studies only to be told continuously that my brain is basically like the energizer bunny... it just keeps going and going and going even when it should be recovering. Since I would go through long periods of time with little more than 1 - 2 hours of rest a night, I started taking sleep aids and melatonin. I was eventually put on Lamictal and seroquel and took them religiously. At the time, astra zeneca was paying for my meds. Then, I got a raise and I was no longer qualified for the program. Needless to say, the meds are expensive and I can't afford them. So, I haven't been taking anything for over a year now. This has obviously had a very adverse effect on the way I get through every day - and night. It would seem that after taking the meds for over a year and then suddenly stopping my bipolar episodes have taken on a whole new spectrum. My insomnia has become a constant - no longer eased with periods of good sleep. This in turn causes my depression to worsen. The spells of hypo-mania have become less constant but more severe. I am at my wits end. I don't know where my moods will be at any point. One second I can be totally elated for no discernible reason and the next in a depressive funk. I can go from being smiling and approachable to agitated, stressed, and totally wretched in a heartbeat. I need to get back on treatment and I would except for the cost. My insurance won't pay for the meds unless I have bi-weekly psychiatric visits. These visits cost upwards of $85 - $150 an hour. I make too much to qualify for Medicaid, too much to be on any sort of significant sliding scale, but only enough to actually cover the bills of living. I'm literally sitting in the gray zone in the middle. Regardless of hours of research, I have not found a program or service that can help me get the treatment I need and I have this horrible feeling that my bipolar 2 has jumped to bipolar 1. I can't qualify for SSI disability because I am capable of working (despite the fact that I literally have to force myself to go everyday and then force myself NOT to simply turn around and leave).
So, my question is this: does anyone know of anywhere or any program located or administered in or around Austin, Texas that can help me get the treatment I need?
I cannot keep going like this but it feels as if I am forced to do so because of the abundant lack of options. I just don't know what to do and everyday has become a trial that leaves me wanting to throw my hands up and simply quit. This does not strike me as fair. I am sick. I am trying to get help... not just sitting in the gloom of my home or sticking a gun in my mouth and calling the world quits. I know that in essence life isn't fair, neither are circumstances. But if you are actually making the effort despite every being of your mind and body telling you not to bother, it seems that there should come a point when the fight and effort is rewarded. I shouldn't have to feel that the only way out is to admit defeat and suffer until I can't go on.
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