Typically, it goes like this: One day I am the love of his life, he is happy, attentive, sweet, etc. The next day, out of the blue and with no apparent reason, he gets very quiet, distant, cold, and very mean-spirited in his comments. Talking, pleading, logic does no good. He will act very happy with others in front of me. He refuses to admit anything is wrong. My question is, how do I handle him when he is in the "dark" mood especially so that it doesn't get worse. (which it has in the past)
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Q: What is the best way to deal with a husband who is in one of his "moods?"
Answers (3)
7/13/09 12:05pm
You may not want to hear this, but he is BOTH of those guys. He is diagnosed BP yes? That is what it means. I had the exact same things with my BP ex. Unforunatley mine did not end well. I tried walking away several times but he would get even madder that I wouldn't listen to his rants and yelling, then blame me for not being a good listener for him.
I suggest walking away when it gets bad, but you also need an action plan. When he is in a GOOD mood you should try to discuss how to handle it with him. Or what may work better is to go see a therapist together. Then you will have an impartial 3rd party to rely on.
You can read my posts... I dealt with the Jekyl/Hyde personality for far too long and it destroyed my marriage... I hear people say "don't take his insults/yelling personally - it's just the illness"... but I find that almost near impossible. When you have someone you love acting like you are crap on his shoe every other week for no reason, it's destructive.
good luck to you.
7/ 8/09 6:41pm
7/15/09 9:49am
Hello, I didn't know my husband had another wife.......LOL! Because you have discribed my husband exactly. It is very draining dealing with a bipolar spouse (I've been married almost 19 yrs) and my husband was recently diagnosed as bipolar II, he is on meds and at first they seemed to help but his "dark moods" seem even darker. When he's like this (which is now) I ask "what can I do for you" his response yesterday was "leave me alone" so that is what I'm doing. What else can I do? Everything I've read says don't take the bipolar syptoms personal so that is what I keep telling myself, it's hard but hopefully it will get easier. Good Luck.
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Thanks, and yes you have a good point. I try to do this at times. It works once in awhile but it is so hard to do.
It is getting depressing trying to deal with this Jekyll/Hyde personality. Its eating away at the trust I have for him because he changes so dramatically that I don't know which personality is the true one. When he is in one of his "moods" I despise the person he becomes. He has such a mean streak. I contemplate leaving him. Then, the switch flips, and the nice guy is back. This is torture. So far, he won't go for help.
So which guy is he really? The nice one or the mean one? And how to avoid the stress he causes me?