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Thanks, and yes you have a good point.  I try to do this at times.  It works once in awhile but it is so hard to do.    It is getting depressing trying to deal with this Jekyll/Hyde personality.  Its eating away at the trust I have for him because he changes so dramatically that I don't know which personality is the true one.  When he is in one of his "moods" I despise the person he becomes.  He has such a mean streak.  I contemplate leaving him. Then, the switch flips, and the nice guy is back.  This is torture.  So far, he won't go for help.   So which guy is he really?  The nice one or the mean one?  And how to avoid the stress he causes me?