My husband has bipolar disorder, and he is not only abusive verbally and emotionally, but he is physically abusive, as well. He scares me, and I called 911 during one of his physically violent episodes. He was taken to jail and now has to take some court ordered classes (anger management and some others). My dilemma is that we live 1200 miles from my family/friends. I moved to be with him. I came to my hometown to visit my family for the holidays and he wants me back home NOW. He is furious with me, though, after having met with his probation officer and is blaming me for the whole mess he is in (if I didn't call 911 he would not have to go through this). I'm scared to go back but at the same time I feel like a horrible person if I don't go back and help him through all this since it's a disorder that he has. The violence gets bad. It's almost on a weekly basis, and I almost always have at least 2 or 3 bruises. I couldn't go with him to his first court date because I had a black eye, bruised cheek, and both jaws were bruised, as well as my neck and chest but he insisted I go with him and sit in the car to wait for him. He has broken my nose, I'm on meds to just be able to cope with his outbursts on a daily basis, I'm constantly nervous about anything I say or don't say. Nothing I do/say is good. Everything that goes bad with him is either my fault or I'm not supporting him or understanding him enough or I'm not saying the right words. I don't know how to do that anymore. I've gotten to the point where I can't even cry anymore and then he gets mad and calls me cold and unfeeling. Under normal circumstances I know any person should leave when they're being physically abused. But is it wrong when it's because of this disorder? I very much love him but I love myself, too. We're not young people, either. We both will be 50 soon. I know really that I shouldn't go back. I guess I just need that reinforcement and for somebody to tell me I'm doing the right thing by not going back there. My family knows a little of what he's done but not close to the extent that has really gone on and I'm embarrassed to tell anybody. Please help.
Q: Married to a physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive man with bipolar disease. Help!
Sounds like to me that you already know what you should do. If the physical abuse is that extreme, you definitely shouldn't go back. Not to mention the emotional abuse. You need counseling your own self to deal with the trauma of your relationship and find out why you keep going back. It sounds like to me that you should be afraid for your life. That is just my opinion.
Being bi polar isn't an excuse to hurt other people. People need to stop the bi polar excuse and take responsibility for there actions. There is a point when you are out of control. I have been there, believe me. There is also the point where you realize that you need help and you go get it. If he doesn't try to help himself then I say move on. Sometimes loving someone isn't enough.
Do what you know is in your heart. Let him get the help he needs on his own. He has to make the change.
I pray that it all works out for you.
I am bi polar myself and was diagnosed about six years ago maybe a little longer. I can say I only lost it one time that I put my hands on someone I loved. I still apologize to this day that I did that to them. I understand the emotional abuse also. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child. I also was emotionally abusive when I got older to my husband and even sometimes my kids. Then I would realize what I said and apologize till my face is blue. It couldn't take back the words I had already said. I had to learn that the hard way.
Finally it all fell apart on me and I had to go get the help I needed. I could no longer blame anyone for what I was going through.
Once I found out that I was bi polar and had major depression it was a relief. Personally, I didn't want to be the person I was. I wanted to understand what was happening to me. My frame of mind was not who I was. My mood swings were awful, no one could do anything to make me happy, I couldn't find anything good about my life, and now I am the complete opposite. Don't get me wrong, I still have mood swings and I still get sad. Sometimes I go through a period when I think nothing is going to be good in my life. I snap out of it alot faster. I have learned to manage my bi polar. I say manage because it will be with me the rest of my life. I like to think that it made me open my eyes more and be grateful about more things in my life. I was never a mean and hateful person when I was growing up. When the bi polar hit me full force, it was almost like something bad was taking over my life. I couldn't explain to people because they would think I was crazy.
It all worked out in the end and I am a happy person now. I have learned how to manage my bi polar. I am thankful for all the people that I have in my life and how they accept me unconditionally.
Make sure that you go get counseling and you will realize that none of this is your fault. You can't be in a relationship that can take your life. I am sure it hurts and feels like you are a bad person for leaving him. You have to think of yourself now and fix yourself. If he really wants to change he will do it. It has to be up to him, not you.
Take care of yourself!
Your friend, Lori
Thank you, Lori. I'm really glad things are working out for you now. I haven't gone back and he's taking his court ordered classes. Those classes are doing a lot of good. Now instead of blaming me for it all, he apologizes to me daily. I'm still not ready to go back because he still has the anger outburts with the name calling and accusations, but hopefully with a few more classes it'll be better for us both. He also has a court ordered mental health evaluation and I'm hoping he will choose to follow another doctor for those meds. His regular family doctor is taking care of all of his health issues, both physical and mental issues, but I'm not sure that's such a good idea. His psychiatrist wanted to put him on lithium and he refused and stopped going to see him, and that's when his family doctor started taking care of his bipolar meds. He's taking Lexapro and Klonapin but that is supposed to be for his panic disorder. I don't think he's being treated at all for bipolar anymore.
Thank you so much for taking the time to give me advise and to tell me what happened with you. It makes such a difference and I do appreciate you.
Take care of yourself and let him get the help he needs. I totally agree with you about seeing a psychiatrist. Your family doctors are great when you have a cold or something on that order. He really needs a psychiatric doctor. That is his specialty. He has to know that he may not always like what they say, but they know what they are doing. Just because he is doing better now DO NOT GO BACK! He has just started to deal with his issues. You have been abused enough! Let him fix himself. You tried and it isn't your fault.
I am glad that you are staying away. Take care of YOURSELF! I hope you find happiness.
Your friend, Lori
hi in my situation im not bipolar but my girlfriend is .shes abusive verballyand emotionally shes so bad that i get blamed for everything that goes wrong in her life she also verbally abusive to my stepson .she kicks me out everyother week she calls me a bum and a loser im in looove with this woman we also have a daughter together we been together for five years and in five years i think we only had two good years and everything been going down hill and to make matters worst ive been getting abusive too! and its killing me inside because this is the woman i wanna grow old with she left because ive gotten abusive with her and i know is very very wrong because i know her condition i dont feel manly anymore im always sad because ive lost my family for my actions but when you are being abused verbally and emotionally abuse i couldnt handle it anymore now im homeless and she tells me she hates me that she doesnt love me then a couple of days later she loves me again its confusing and hurtful because she knows i wear my heart on my sleeve and she knows nomatter how bad she treats me i will always be there for her but at this moment im homelss again and i havnt been home in two weeks and while all this is going on my daughter is being hurt because shes a daddys girl my daughter cries now everytime i leave she ask me to stay home but her mother says no and she wont even let me in the house i have to stand outside and see my daughter thru a window im depress over all this dont know what to do im in so much pain that i dont know what to do i cant sleep,i cant eat, i went from 250 to 215 withingdays i love my family and i dont ever want to hurt them in any way im trying fix things with my daughters mother but she wont speak to me she wont look at me she told me she was disgusted by me and ever since ive been gone she tells me shes been much happier and that hurts because ive kept myself unhappy to keep her happy but it got so bad with her shes always calling me abusive and telling me that im not a man because i react on her actions but when i try to explain myself im making excuses she says and that i will never change but i try but its neva good enough i love her with all my heart i need help and someone to talk too because i also cutoff all my friends because she was very insecure so to show her that all i want was her.
I know it's hard when you love her, but you have to be safe. You also have to be sure you're not in a position to cause her harm, either. When it gets to that point, it's time to end it and move on. If she's abusing your step child, though, you have an obligation to report that in order to keep the child safe. I cut off all friends and most family, too. Abusive people tend to insist we stop seeing those who love us and those who may see the abuse. In the long run, it's not worth it.
I'm a good listener anytime you want to talk. It's hard, I know, when you're cut off from everybody and either have nobody to talk to about it or are too embarrassed for people to know. Good luck!
THANK YOU its not easy i havent been home today makes it three weeks and i miss her like crazy i cant sleep i dont eat i saw her today and all i wanted to do was hug her and kiss her but because off the last incident we went threw all she does is show me hate she still puts me down and calls me a loser i love my girl and i dont want to keep fighting but shes doing everything and anything to make me feel miserable about myself i dont understand why somebody that use to love u can hate u so much even though she does these things i still want to be with her i dont know what to do feels like im losing my mind.
Have you thought about getting counseling? It sounds like you're going through many things right now, having no family or friends to talk to about it and being kept from your daughter. Are you being kept away legally because of the violence on your part? Or is she the one keeping you away? I know you already know this, but first and foremost the kids need to be safe, both physically and emotionally. What about her family? Are they active in her life? Is it possible for you to talk with them about what's going on?
yes im going threw counseling and i have my daughter with me right now she keeps me away but i think she does it to hurt me because my daughter is my world so i think she does it to hurt me yes there active but full of negativity and even if i try to talk to them it doesnt matter because what ever she does shes right and im wrong because they know what ive done so in there eyes im abusive and all im doing is making excuses but what upsets me the most that they know how she can be but im still wrong they also control alot of her life they put her down and treat her like crap im the only one that sticks up for her so they also dont like cause of that reason.
Get him out of your life as quickly as possible. Just because he;s going down the toilet doesn't mean you have to follow down the drain.
Thank you. I know you're right, and I haven't gone back. That's exactly what it has felt like...going down the drain.....I'm drained financially - I've had to pay his lawyers fees, probation fees, and all our living expenses since he isn't working, plus bail him out when he overspends and can't pay the bills. I'm drained emotionally - I don't know what to say, when to say it, how to say it, or even if I should say it, no matter what the subject is. Today I can say something and it's regular conversation. Tomorrow I might say the same thing and it'll set him off. I hope we can get our lives to a point where I can go home...in the meantime, I'll stay here until I feel safe and secure enough to go back.
Lori
When your husband is being abusive and you call the police; did you ever tell them that he's BP and should take him to the hospital pschy ward? Does he take medication?
I have had to call the police and have my daughter taken to the hospital when she would stop taking her med's because she put on too much weight.
When she doesn't take her med's, she doesn't sleep and comes up with all kinds of ideas..like I was trying to kill her and she had to protect herself.
I had to go for counseling because I wanted to know how to deal with her episodes and that helped me and her.
It is very difficult to deal with an aggresive person who is suppose to be taking med's and doesn't because they don't like the side effects. You should consider your self at this time..you are NOT a punching bag and if he doesn't want to take med's or do what is necessary to stay stable, then you should leave him .
I know this sounds harsh but you are the victim, you could die from his abuse !
Maggie, I only called the police that one time, and I did tell the officer that he's BP. I didn't ask them to take him the hospital, though. He does take medication, but he's taking that for panic disorder (Lexapro and Klonapin). He's pretty religious about taking his meds. He never misses intentionally, and rarely misses even unintentionally. Like your daughter, my husband has trouble sleeping, too. He gets upset with me if I fall asleep while he's still awake, but since he doesn't work he sleeps in and takes naps all through the day and night. He has never had ideas that I was going to kill him, but he does get into his head that I'm cheating, which is impossible since we were never apart. He wouldn't even let me go to the mailbox alone. And anytime he gets mad at me he brings up ex-boyfriends and my ex-husband, saying I want them back but then he'll say all this bad stuff about them and tries to drill it into my head that they never cared about me.
You're right that I'm not a punching bag and I won't go back until I do feel safe. I have felt many times that I was going to die from his abuse, and I'm not going back to that again. Thank you for reading and responding. I hope things go well with your daughter and they're able to find a combination of meds that she can live with without too many side effects. It must be so much harder for a mother, and I'm glad you're getting counseling to help you.
If your husband is truly BP then Lithiumn should help stableize him. What was the Psychiatrist diagnosis?
I don't think that the court addressed his BP because just having him get anger managemnet with out the proper med's is not going to solve a " chemical inbalance".
If he were taking an anti-psychotic medication or Lithiumn he wouldn't be having angry/violent out bursts.
My daughter had her first episode 21 yrs ago; at the time she was living in Texas, had just broken up with her husband, couldn't sleep and decided to drink a whole bottle of Ny-Quill. This made matters worse and at 5 am get a call from her saying she can't sleep. She was so distraught, I decided to go to Texas; I live in NYC, NY and was there by 5 pm. I had her in the Hospital by midnight.
She was diagnosed with Major Depression, stayed in the hospital for 3 wks and then I took her back to NYC. When we arrived home called a Psych. doctor , made an appt to see him and he kept her on Wellbutrin . She was fine for a very long time, until she decided to go back to college for her degree as an Art Therapist and worked at night as a restaurant manager. The stress was just too much for her and she had another episode. A friend told me about the top Psych doctor in Manhattan, a Pharmocological Psych doctor; so we went to him. His diagnosis was that she was BP and if that were not addressed, she would go into paranoia. He gave her an Anti-psychotic medication t o use, if she felt paranoia coming on but she never took it and once again she landed up in the hospital.
Over the past 21 yrs she has been in the hospital 5 X's and they keep changing her medication, The one med that worked was Zyprexa and watching her stress levels.
Why I mention all of the above, is that, Lexapro & Klonipin are NOT going to help your husband, not until the BP is really addressed.
My wonderful daughter is now on Disability but she is stable, see's a threapist every week and the Psych. doctor once a month but she never became an Art Therapist, most sadly.
BTW, if your husband isn't working how does he suppot himself? Just curious.
His psychiatrist's diagnosis was BP and prescribed lithium. He refused to take it and stopped seeing him. That was years ago before I even knew him. Now he just goes to the family doctor and recently his doctor increased his Klonapin and his Lexapro, which hasn't done a thing for his anger. The court has not addressed the BP at all yet, but I know in the court papers he was ordered to get a mental health evaluation. That hasn't happened yet, but hopefully they still will make him do it. I completely agree with you that Lexapro and Klonapin are not going to help my husband. He won't get the help for me, no matter how much I try. If the court sends him to get checked out then hopefully he will have to take what is prescribed. I know if they call me as he said they were going to I'm not going to lie for him again. I'm not doing him any favors by covering for him. It's either get on the proper drugs or get on with the divorce. I'm so happy that your daughter is doing better. I hate that she never became an Art Therapist like she wanted to, but maybe one day she'll be strong enough to do that. I've just turned 50 and I'm realizing my dream of getting my English degree. I may never be able to do anything with it, but it's my passion and I'm loving it. As for how he's supporting himself...he's getting an unemployment check and is on his second extension. I'm paying all the bills, though. He doesn't help. He just makes more. It's very stressful for me in every way where he is concerned, including financially.
i am a 37 year old bipolar woman believe it or not i used to abuse my husband and sometime when i'm going through an episode i might get a little verbal. i am now on meds and i have learned to identify some signs that let me know that i am about to have an episode. your husband needs to get to this point but as long as you allow him to blame you for what he's going through he'll never get better. he has to take charge and get help. if he isn't on meds he needs to be. don't be afraid to have him put in the hospital. it will help him more then hurt him. and it will help you get control of your life and better deal with him if you decide to stay. your safety is very important if he doesn't want to get help honey you should consider leaving. let him see that if he won't get help or take his meds if he's on any that your not coming back. no one should have to be abused for any reason. you would not be wrong for leaving don't let him use his illness as an excuse to hurt you. if he loves you and himself he'll get help or more help. sometimes a doc have to try a series of meds to get him on the right one that will keep him stable for longer periods of time. my husband look up all the info he could and when he trruely understood what bipolar was our relationship is 100 precent better. he's even learn to spot out signs that let him know i having or about to have an episode and it really makes a differance. good luck honey.
Thank you for reading and responding. I know you're right that allowing him to blame me is not doing him any favors. He's finally getting some good help in his anger management classes, and one of the things they stress is to take responsibility for his actions. I received a letter from the facilitor of the class to let me know he enrolled and he said he'll let me know when he finishes it. Those are part of my "rights" as the victim. He had another episode about week-and-a-half to two weeks ago over the phone where he screamed at me at the top of his lungs. He screams so loud that he normally loses his voice for a few days afterwards, and this was no exception. This time, though, rather than listen to him screaming, I hung up the phone and sent him a text message telling him that I refuse to be abused, including emotional and verbal abuse, and when he has calmed down enough to talk to me I'll gladly have a conversation with him. This went on most of the night. As soon as he got on the phone he would scream, if I didn't answer he would leave screaming voice mails, and he called over and over again until I finally turned off the phone. I didn't back down this time. I guess I'm a little braver in that respect since I'm 1200 miles from him right now and he can't do much to me physically, and I can shut off the verbal abuse by shutting off the phone. But it didn't stop me worrying, crying, feeling sorry for myself, feeling sorry for me, wondering what I can do to prevent the outburts, then coming to the conclusion that I should not have to walk on eggshells every second of my life with him. He hasn't done that to me since that night, but I need more than a week to two weeks free from all that before I can go back.
I started reading up and researching all the information I could about bipolar disorder, and I started a journal of the episodes, what we were doing, what it was about, and even what we ate before it happened. I wanted to try to see if I could see a pattern of what triggered them. There are several triggers that I've found and I've learned to readjust my wording about things and I carefully choose my words with him. Unfortunately, he went through my things during that last episode when I wouldn't listen to the screaming and read my personal journal and threw things at me that I wrote about people back before I even knew him. And he found the bipolar journal I started and was very offended. He was also hurt when he read how much I was scared of him. I've told him that he scares me, but I don't think it registered until he read it. I don't normally have an opportunity to tell him what I feel when he's yelling at me and after he's calmed down, I certainly don't want to rehash anything just to be able to tell him my view on the whole thing. But he read it and it made him feel bad...not bad that he scares me but he felt sorry for himself that I would hurt him so much by writing those feelings in a journal. Since the last anger management class, though, he's been apologizing to me and accepting responsibility for his actions, just as the facilitator told me he should do. As of now, I'm taking it a day at a time and hoping some good comes out of it. He agrees that this is turning out to be a good thing...the classes, not the community service. He is still furious that he has to do community service.
That's great that your husband has taken such a positive role in your disorder. I'm trying to learn as much as I can, too, and I'm able to spot signs occasionally that let me know he's about to have an episode. He has even told me and the class, as well as his probation officer that I'm the only person in his life to ever have been able to help him have a peaceful mind. But most of the episodes are still out of the blue and a complete surprise to me when they happen. I'll keep trying, though. I'm happy for you that things are better for you and your husband. Thank you so much reading and responding. It really helps me to know that 1) I'm doing the right thing by not going back yet and 2) there is hope, which allows me to hang on and gives me motivation to hang on and keeping trying. Continued luck to you, too.
good for you honey...stand strong and good luck and i will keep you in my prayers....
Thank you so much!!
I am in a verbally and physically abusive marriage and I had to get out! My safety was at stake. I have been put in the E.R. for being hit in the side of the head and my ear busted open and bleeding, I have been bruised and had rug burns and on and on. My husband is 6'6" and I am 5'3" and he will not get help so he is not on any form of medications to help, what I have thought is Bi-polar. I, myself am going to be going through a divorce due to all of this. I have stayed to the point to where, I was placed in jail falsely, after him choking me, and I was defending myself. It has been horrible! Safety you have to think about and thank God I have no children with this man I married.
I'm so sorry you're going through all that. I hope you've already left him and gotten yourself out of that situation. I look back at my situation and realize that a couple times I could've possibly been arrested for defending myself, too. He had me against the wall, pounding my chin with his fist, and when I broke loose he started coming after me again. When caught up to me and started pounding again, I grabbed whatever I could reach to defend myself, so I wound up throwing a small CD player and a can of pledge at him. It didn't stop him, but if a policeman came during that time we both probably would've gone to jail. Sadly, if that same situation happened to me with a total stranger, I would've been justified to defend myself. But being my husband, I probably would've gone to jail, too.
Being with a bipolar man on and off for 7 years myself, I can relate. It is like he has 2 sides, when he is "normal" ill get roses, get taken to the movies and dinner and he is as sweet as honey, however when he goes into his "episodes" he is like a demon. He calls me every name in the book and explodes over stupid stuff.
Once we were at a restaurant and he asked for a straw so I brought one over to him and I took it out of the wrapper and he exploded, hence, I know what you are talking about with the abusiveness. I know in my situation I loved him, so I wanted to stay with him and be by his side through this, but he refused to take meds or get a doctors help.
What I learned out of this whole experience with him is that I come first, my happiness my self worth and the emotional support I needed come first. This whole time I've been with him it was always about him, what he needed and wanted and I finally realized that if he isnt going to help himself or doesn't love me enough to get help (doctors, meds), I have to look out for me. Why? cuz no one else will.
I finally realized that I needed someone there for me and needed to be hugged and touched lovingly and needed someone there for me. The best advice I can give you, is if he doesnt help himself, or want to help himself i.e. (doctors, meds) it will only get worse and you're putting yourself in an unsafe situation. If he doesnt want to get help, then I'm afraid the only option left would probably to clip the cord and seriously think about leaving him, for your own wants and needs and for goodness sakes, your safety. Its hard especially if you love him, but the question you must ask yourself, is do you love yourself enough and him to let him go. Maybe if you left him he would realize that he does need help.
You are 100% right. We do have to look our for ourselves. There have been too many times when I was being beaten or choked to the point that I thought that day was my day to die. There have been too many times when I've cried myself to sleep because of the hurtful names he has called me, my kids, my family, even my hometown. Painful things from my past that I've confided to him are thrown in my face as if I was the one at fault. I learned to keep everything to myself. If I was hurt about something, I kept it inside for fear of him throwing it in my face in a hurtful way in a future fight. I stopped sharing good things that happened in my life because then he would get the "poor me" attitude and make me feel like I don't deserve this good thing to happen to me.
It was exactly as you said...when we were together it was always about him. I hope you're still away from him and have found somebody who treats you well. Life is too short to be scared and sad all the time.
I was just reading your words and feeling your pain. I too live with this craziness. I see it has been awhile since you posted. Did you leave your husband? I sure hope you did.
I understand you love him. However, he is UNABLE to love you in a way you deserve. He is ill and unwilling to admit he has a problem, because he blames u. You need to ask your self some questions...... Do you deserve this the rest of your life? because past behavior predicts future behavior. Do you think he will change? again, past behavior predicts future behavior. You are being held Hostage, at your own will. You have free will. R U addicted to this? chaos? or r u in denial he is will get better? No one gets better by force..... ONLY ACTION changes the behavior of others, SOMETIMES........... U NEED TO establish some boundaries, leave, until he goes willingly to get help.... after he does all that..... make him recourt you.....if u see any red flags, you r in for a life time of hell. I am afraid it your decision how u choose to live. Good Luck to you. Do your best to stay safe from him. Ultimately, it is your choice and yours alone.....
Thank you for your reply. No, he won't change. He went through the anger management classes, yet he goes off on everybody he comes into contact with, including my family. I'm done. He still doesn't have a job, and he's not looking for one. I don't know how he's supporting himself. I hadn't divorced him before now because if I divorce him that means he will no longer have health insurance. But recently he went to some kind of agency that is giving him his meds at big discount. Sounds like he doesn't need me for health insurance anymore, so I no longer feel any responsibilty to him or to the relationship.
I do not understand, I guess there are many degreees of Bipolar!
I'm Bipolar myself, on my previous realtionship, my Bipolar became a nightmare.
My exboyfriend keept me feeling guilty of every issue, because of my bypolar.
He is a very demanding and controling man.
I am a very independent and light minded woman, in love with him.
All though I'm bipolar, my condition does not define my personality...
We moved together to Brazil, and i started having crises so frequently that i was finding it difficult to find myself...i had to keep reminding my self of who i was, in order to became racional.
I'm a teacher, so i need my mental health to came back to me every day..
I realized, that i was ok in classes, and i was ok when chilling with friends
Buy soon as he was around watching all my acts and moves with he's judging eyes...i would feel fear and anxiety.
I know that someone not bipolar would work around these relation shio! So i thank my condition to make me these a;lert to what people acctually make me feel! And 'm now more than 6 months without a episode, living on my own in europe, and listenning to all my good old friends telling me how mutch they use to hate seeing my ex controlling everything i use to do.
The reason why I'm sharing these with you, its because u have not meet these man two days agoo...Bipolar does not define personnality
U can still work, u can still have the morals to dont let ur self be financial supported by other, u still know when u hurting someone, BEING BIPOLAR IS NOT A EXCUSE TO BE ABUSIVE, being abusive it has to do with your personnality.
I get a bit biter, i know why, and i take a deep breath, i analyse the situation, and try to understand if my reaction to a certain situation is leveled with these same situation.
I'm 30, diagnose bipolar since 17, sometimes i dont take medication, for long periods of six months, I necer slapped one person, or ben in a phisical fight in my life.
I tried to commit suicide 4 times, one of wich i had to be reanimated, i lived with gypsys in a caravan site for one year without no one knowing nothing about me, in my adult life i achived a good status in a previous job, and i was earning good money, so i send it all in cruises and clothes and eneded up loosing my house and having to move back to mum's...
That is me being bipolar. HAVING THA HEART TO LOOK AT SOMEONE AND SEING MY SELF HURTING THESE SOMEONE AND CARREING ON WOULD ONLY BE ME BEING HORRIBLE.
Maybe i'm tottaly wrong...but i think ur husband would be agressive regardless, i can not find in my condition a reason to abuse my loved ones, verbally...i may believe...what you describing is not acceptble in any context in the reallity i know. the best of lucks my dear Have a good life and enjoy the degree you doing, learning is a precious tresure
<3
I do not understand, I guess there are many degreees of Bipolar!
I'm Bipolar myself, on my previous realtionship, my Bipolar became a nightmare.
My exboyfriend keept me feeling guilty of every issue, because of my bypolar.
He is a very demanding and controling man.
I am a very independent and light minded woman, in love with him.
All though I'm bipolar, my condition does not define my personality...
We moved together to Brazil, and i started having crises so frequently that i was finding it difficult to find myself...i had to keep reminding my self of who i was, in order to became racional.
I'm a teacher, so i need my mental health to came back to me every day..
I realized, that i was ok in classes, and i was ok when chilling with friends
Buy soon as he was around watching all my acts and moves with he's judging eyes...i would feel fear and anxiety.
I know that someone not bipolar would work around these relation shio! So i thank my condition to make me these a;lert to what people acctually make me feel! And 'm now more than 6 months without a episode, living on my own in europe, and listenning to all my good old friends telling me how mutch they use to hate seeing my ex controlling everything i use to do.
The reason why I'm sharing these with you, its because u have not meet these man two days agoo...Bipolar does not define personnality
U can still work, u can still have the morals to dont let ur self be financial supported by other, u still know when u hurting someone, BEING BIPOLAR IS NOT A EXCUSE TO BE ABUSIVE, being abusive it has to do with your personnality.
I get a bit biter, i know why, and i take a deep breath, i analyse the situation, and try to understand if my reaction to a certain situation is leveled with these same situation.
I'm 30, diagnose bipolar since 17, sometimes i dont take medication, for long periods of six months, I necer slapped one person, or ben in a phisical fight in my life.
I tried to commit suicide 4 times, one of wich i had to be reanimated, i lived with gypsys in a caravan site for one year without no one knowing nothing about me, in my adult life i achived a good status in a previous job, and i was earning good money, so i send it all in cruises and clothes and eneded up loosing my house and having to move back to mum's...
That is me being bipolar. HAVING THA HEART TO LOOK AT SOMEONE AND SEING MY SELF HURTING THESE SOMEONE AND CARREING ON WOULD ONLY BE ME BEING HORRIBLE.
Maybe i'm tottaly wrong...but i think ur husband would be agressive regardless, i can not find in my condition a reason to abuse my loved ones, verbally...i may believe...what you describing is not acceptble in any context in the reallity i know. the best of lucks my dear Have a good life and enjoy the degree you doing, learning is a precious tresure
<3
I do not understand, I guess there are many degreees of Bipolar!
I'm Bipolar myself, on my previous realtionship, my Bipolar became a nightmare.
My exboyfriend keept me feeling guilty of every issue, because of my bypolar.
He is a very demanding and controling man.
I am a very independent and light minded woman, in love with him.
All though I'm bipolar, my condition does not define my personality...
We moved together to Brazil, and i started having crises so frequently that i was finding it difficult to find myself...i had to keep reminding my self of who i was, in order to became racional.
I'm a teacher, so i need my mental health to came back to me every day..
I realized, that i was ok in classes, and i was ok when chilling with friends
Buy soon as he was around watching all my acts and moves with he's judging eyes...i would feel fear and anxiety.
I know that someone not bipolar would work around these relation shio! So i thank my condition to make me these a;lert to what people acctually make me feel! And 'm now more than 6 months without a episode, living on my own in europe, and listenning to all my good old friends telling me how mutch they use to hate seeing my ex controlling everything i use to do.
The reason why I'm sharing these with you, its because u have not meet these man two days agoo...Bipolar does not define personnality
U can still work, u can still have the morals to dont let ur self be financial supported by other, u still know when u hurting someone, BEING BIPOLAR IS NOT A EXCUSE TO BE ABUSIVE, being abusive it has to do with your personnality.
I get a bit biter, i know why, and i take a deep breath, i analyse the situation, and try to understand if my reaction to a certain situation is leveled with these same situation.
I'm 30, diagnose bipolar since 17, sometimes i dont take medication, for long periods of six months, I necer slapped one person, or ben in a phisical fight in my life.
I tried to commit suicide 4 times, one of wich i had to be reanimated, i lived with gypsys in a caravan site for one year without no one knowing nothing about me, in my adult life i achived a good status in a previous job, and i was earning good money, so i send it all in cruises and clothes and eneded up loosing my house and having to move back to mum's...
That is me being bipolar. HAVING THA HEART TO LOOK AT SOMEONE AND SEING MY SELF HURTING THESE SOMEONE AND CARREING ON WOULD ONLY BE ME BEING HORRIBLE.
Maybe i'm tottaly wrong...but i think ur husband would be agressive regardless, i can not find in my condition a reason to abuse my loved ones, verbally...i may believe...what you describing is not acceptble in any context in the reallity i know. the best of lucks my dear Have a good life and enjoy the degree you doing, learning is a precious tresure
<3
I understand!!! I am in a similar situation except I do not have the physical abuse. My husband (we are both in our late 40s also) is bipolar and who knows what else. He mother and he have alot of secrets and I think that his psychological diagnoses are one of the secrets. My husband is extremely verbally and emotionally abusive, takes his meds maybe sometimes, Im not sure. He blames me and everyone for everything. My friends say he is narcisstic and he does not admit or think that he is wrong. He is a compulsive liar, cheat etc. Anyhow, he is extremely into staying married, is a felon for stalking two women before me, no has two charges for harrassing me and violating a no contact order repeatedly. I am a nurse, have done psych nursing and thought I could handle all of this. My husband wants to stay together "forever" and has two dead wives both died of heart attacks...I have just started blood pressure meds and anxiety meds.
Currently I am in a victim program and he and I are talking alot again. I go through the cycle of violence constantly and thank god don't have the physical abuse. Sometimes I think that if I did have the physical abuse I would finally just leave. Im not sure what keeps me going back, over and over and over and over etc. He says he loves me, will do anything to get me back, protect me and gives me and does for me when he is in the good phase. He constantly tells me that we will be together forever and that he loves me etc....he SAYS he wants the life I want and I guess in some weird way I keep hoping that it will really happen. Tonight in victim class they talked about the number one red flag to run like hell from a man when he says this....it's not my fault it is your fault!!! Sound familiar? It does to me...I guess everyone thinks Im crazy for not leaving for good, I know that I should also, he really gets crazy when I leave and he has gotten me fired from jobs and made false claims to the nursing board to get my license revoked, he has vandalized multiple cars of mine, alienated me from everyone, stalks and harrasses me when I leave. So.....what posses us women in these situations to stay? Multiple things, I too feel sorry for my husband that he is bipolar and constantly think that if he took his meds that he would change. They told me in class tonight that the mental disease process is not an excuse for the behavior that my husband exibits and hurts me with. The same holds true for you. I cannot sit here and convince you to leave because I myself cannot leave. I love him, I pity him, I want to help him and want it all to be ok. My situation is terrible, more terrible than anything I could have imagined, but yours if even worse with the physical abuse. I don't know how you are going to do it, mine can find me anywhere and most certainly without a doubt will. I have had multiple judges, cops, victim advocates, victim cousnelors tell me to move out of state and might need to change my name. I can't leave him, I go through terrible separation anxiety and panic attacks when I dont see him. So, I hope the best for you...I am in a hopeless emotional cycle that I cannot bring myself to leave then when I try he punishes me until I come back. Be strong...we deserve much better...and know that there are others like us out there struggling with the same things and hope that someday we will have the strength to leave and it will work. Best of luck....."the bipolar rollercoaster passenger."
How familiar that all sounds! I'm very happy that he doesn't abuse you physically, but all the other abuses are bad, too. We DO deserve better than that, and I hope you can be strong. I left over 2 years ago and haven't gone back. But the entire 2 years have been bad, too. He hasn't worked for the entire time I've been gone. I stopped supporting him, though, and he has just started a new job that he's already talking about quitting. We can't help them. As much as we want to, we can't! They have to want to help themselves, and they have to take responsibility for what they say and do. Your situation is not hopeless. If you're on medications because of the life you have with him, then it's not where you should be. I was on meds, too. Xanax, anti-depressant, and blood pressure meds just to cope with my daily life. Since I left him, I'm off all medication except for the BP meds, and that probably has to do with my weight rather than any stress. There is life out there for us. I haven't filed for divorce yet, but that will be my next step, hopefully sometime this year.
Yes, that does sound familiar about the red flag that you learned about in your victim class. Everything has been my fault from the very beginning. Even as recently as this past weekend I'm being blamed for his rough year this past year. It's my fault that his holidays weren't happy ones. It's my fault that he can't get his meds adjusted. It's my fault that he lost his temper with me yet again. And then when I ended the conversation after the name-calling started up, I was the one who was childish and unreasonable.
I once made the statement to a friend that I lost weight when he and I were together because I had so much fun and just didn't worry about dieting. I ate what I wanted and we had an active life. But now I can look at the whole relationship with a more clear perspective, and I realized that I lost weight because I couldn't eat for days when he has at his worst. On those days I would escape our home and walk for hours and hours in a strange town where I didn't know anybody and at night. I was more scared of going home than I was of staying out and walking and walking. That's why I lost weight. Not because I was having fun. The fun days were awesome. But if a man looked at me longer than he thought he should have, if I said something that happened to trigger his anger, or if somebody else did, I'm the one who got the brunt of his anger.
Nobody but you can know if your situation is bad enough to leave for good. But I have a feeling if you thought it was something you could handle you wouldn't be here looking for support. I'm glad you have the victim's program to help you through this. Sometimes it takes others outside of our relationship to help us come to terms with what we already know. I'm not a nurse, but I'm in the healthcare profession, too. I thought our love, my calm demeanor, and the strong woman that I am would be enough to keep things under control. I was wrong. Everyday that you can make it without him will help to build up your resistance. I do still miss my husband, and many things bring back the wonderful memories...and there are many, many wonderful memories. Those good times are what makes us keep going back. I won't go back, though. I've put enough miles (well over 1000 miles) and time behind me where he's concerned and I know I'll find somebody who will give me a more healthy relationship. I wish you the best. Keep in touch!
my partner of 4 years is physically, verbally and emotionally abusive - he's insane. completely insane - and i have no where to go - no family here... do have a job, but no money
he's a monster - today (my day off, i work full time) he came into the bedroom where i hide on my day off, grabbed me and pulled me into the kitchen because i made popcorn for us last night... melted the butter in the microwave and the butter spattered - i didn't notice it as i was making popcorn
had to scrub the microwave and the turntable - then i got water on the counter which set him off again, calling me "worthless" and a "pig" and insulting my deceased mother for her inability to raise me properly... his mother simply beat him half to death if he didn't do something right
now, i'm not allowed in the kitchen anymore... if i need to eat, i need to go get something at a fast food place - he has all of my clothes in garbage bags outside the bedroom door - i don't even have underwear
i'm going insane - have no way to get out... no car, no license, no money
all i have is my job and my adult son - who doesn't live with me, however he has a felony and is finding it impossible to find employment
i'm from new england and stuck in north carolina -i can't get out
i'm stuck to die in the hell
i hear you.i was in a similar situation i was walking on egg shells all the time scared i will piss him off to the point he wants to leave me and our three sons again. This makes the 20th time he's left me and when he leaves its not when i have money or food and im doing good. he always decides to leave when im depending on his help. when he knows i have no options. he is physically, mentally and emotionally abusive to me and my kids he verbally abuses them.i'm always blamed for things thAT EVEN COULD'NT POSSIBLY BE MY FAULT. like his grandfathers death i was nowhere around him but i was blamed. he got me a ring we planned to get married and he vanishes while im at the doctors with the kids. 2 days before our sons birthday. if you need anything call me my names melissa my number is 954 6618163
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Thank you, Lori. You're right, I do know I shouldn't go back. It's really breaking my heart, but I'm going to stay here until he gets the help he needs and then I'll consider going back when he is more healthy. I will take a lot and have, but it's gone beyond anything I can do to help him. Sometimes I think I make him worse but I don't know how to act. If I do/say/act one way it calms him down. If I do the same thing the next day it sets him off. And yes, there have been many times that I thought that day was my day to die. I hate being so afraid and I'm just worn out from the whole process. I'm going to take your suggestion and get counseling for myself, too. Thank you again. I appreciate your advice.