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Monday, September 01, 2008 riverbluff, Community Member, asks

Q: My husband is two different people.

I have a husband that is two different people.  One hour he is kind and helpful.  If I say anything he doesn't like, he accuses me of lecturing or critisizing him and gets angry, swears and name calls and goes into a rage.  When he talks about people he does not like, he gets so worked up, he yells trying to tell me his feelings.  If someone says something he does not like, he imediately cuts them down, name calls, and gets violent.  The next day he is appologizing for his swearing, violent manners, and name calling.  He verbally abuses me all the time.  I try to reassure him that I love him and care about him, and show my concern.  He keeps saying he needs space.  He was single for many years, and liked our relationship when we were dating.  He has told me he should not have gotten married.  He pouts all the time, which can go on for a entire day.  I try not to allow him to upset me, but he just acts very mean towards me.  Swears and carries on about the most ridiculous things.   He acts like a child.  He will actually break down and cry, when he realizes how awful he treated me.....this does not happen for a day or two after his mean day.  I have tried everything, and said he needs to go to his doctor.  He will never let me go with him.  He is always telling me that he has a hard time dealing with me.  Sometimes I have no clue what he is referring to, and I ask him to explain to me what is wrong and he just tells me no.  It can be so frustrating, and I am having a real time dealing with this man and his different personalities.  Is this a sign of some kind of drug abuse.  He smokes cigarettes, and always goes out to the garage to smoke.  Sometimes it can take him 10 minutes before he comes in from smoking, and at times it seems that when he comes back in from smoking, he can be totally different. 

 

I would appreciate some type of imput.  Thanks for your assistance.  I am deseparate, for I have fibromyalgia, and am suppose to eliminate stress from my life.  He makes a lot of stress for me to deal with on a daily basis, and seems to like it when he can see that I am getting upset.  He then turns around and accuses me of being upset, and tells me to settle down.  It is one mind game after another with him.  He also has a real hard time with his memory.  He forgets things sometimes within minutes of when he heard the information.  I will tell him things, and he tells me I did not tell him, when he forgot!

 

Thanks for your help.

 

riverbluff

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Answers (2)
BlameMe, Community Member
9/ 3/08 11:30pm

How long have you two been married? It's not easy...from my experience I recommend documenting everything and protecting yourself in every way possible. These people who suffer are very unpredictable with their behaviors and you have to be the one in control at all times. Don't do anything to provoke him (intentionally or otherwise), don't argue with him and don't enable his behaviors in any way. Report his behavior to your doctor, lawyer so that it is documented and that you can protect yourself in case anything happens. There's nothing that you can really do about this except take care of yourself first and begin the process of moving on. He won't change. Best of luck to you!

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jayjo77144, Community Member
1/26/09 3:11pm

Your words are familiar.  Everyword of your post,  I not only understand,  but I live with everyday.  I love my husband very much but I am losing hope

(at least for him & I).

 

I had to respond to your post because almost word for word describes my husband and what I deal with.

 

my husbands behavior has gotten so bad that "I am not invited to my own families homes".  They don't want to deal with the "mulitiples" I call them.  My husband was a loving man when I met him and still on a good day can be.  Five years into the relationship the "multiples" have gotten worse.  I didn't know it for a while (denial) but he literally is verbally abusive to me. He does not think in any way he is sick. I secretly joined this web site. If he found evidence of me on this, he would freak. Literally. 

 

I guess I just wanted to let you know I know how you feel. I noticed your post was from months ago (09/08 I think)  but if it's anything like my husbands situation it doesn't go away overnight.  your story was so similar it's almost scary. take care.

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By riverbluff, Community Member— Last Modified: 06/18/12, First Published: 09/01/08