But was that the goal of my recovery? To simply avoid making a spectacle of myself? A certain sense of exuberance - my vital oomph factor - was missing. I didn’t trust myself to experience unreserved joy, and neither, apparently, did the psychiatric profession.
Would I be playing with fire if I tried to get it back?
Fortunately, I never had to make the decision. Due to various reasons, I lost my medical coverage and went from a name brand extended release mood stabilizer to the generic version. Whereas I only had to take the name brand drug each morning, now I had to remember to swallow four pills at various times of the day. Inevitably, I would miss a dose, perhaps even two.
A funny thing happened. Over the weeks, I noticed I was actually feeling better, more clear-headed and alert, with a certain spring to my step. But at what price? I could only wonder. Would there be a reckoning?
Or could I manage? By now, I had a full array of coping skills, and I was becoming fairly adept at mindfulness. Could mindfulness, in effect, augment my lowered meds doses?
Warning: There may be various reasons for lowering your meds doses, but please do not experiment on your own. Always consult your psychiatrist. My actions were unintentional, and fortunately, in my case, serendipitous.
To be continued...
