Simple, right? You'd be amazed to discover that there is a whole planet full of people who have yet to figure this out. But you have, and you have just spent hours on the internet searching for the best deal to travel halfway across the country just to hear about this particular kitten, straight from the proud owner's mouth - or at least that's the impression you want to convey.

In other words, you need to look interested or concerned, but in a way that doesn't make you appear intrusive or put the other person in an uncomfortable position.

Keep your questions specific, such as: "What is your kitten's name?"

There is no way of NOT responding to this. "BooBoo," says the proud owner.

"BooBoo," you reply, "what a cute name." You have validated the talker's answer by showing that you are listening. Now you follow up with a slightly higher degree of difficulty question: "Does BooBoo sleep in bed with you?"

This is the other person's cue to relate how the little psychopath jumped off a ledge at three in the morning and belly-flopped onto his face.

Call yourself butter, cuz you're on a roll. You've got a conversation going. You may be a nobody, he may be the Secretary-General of the UN, but he's the one trying to make an impression on YOU.

Whatever you do, resist the urge to talk about your kitten. Remember, the speaker is only interested in HIS kitten, not yours.

A skilled listener is able to finesse a three in the morning kitten attack into a follow-up question about a three in the morning phone call concerning an international crisis, but you are probably not ready for this. Instead, a timely wrap to the conversation is your best option.

Change partners, move to the next conversation.

By not attempting to impress anyone, without revealing anything about yourself, without showing off, you have made an excellent impression. Eventually, your recovery will require you moving beyond this, into perfecting various song and dance routines to suit particular occasions. But even when the situation puts you in the conversational spotlight, people will remember you best for what you DON'T say.