Yes! I'm thinking. He gets it. In no time I was jumping in with something like: "Let me tell you about a conference I was at in March ... "
By the time Pete was through with me, I was spilling the beans like the Witness Protection Program's Snitch of the Month. Naturally, I came away from our "conversation" thinking Pete Earley was the greatest guy in the world, which, of course, he is.
But what would Pete have thought of me? Did I fall into the loudmouth trap? Fortunately, no. I was talking to a willing listener, and Pete had a way of bringing out the best in me.
Have I ever fallen into the loudmouth trap? Yes, many times, and many times I continue to stray into loudmouth territory.
Recovery inevitably takes us through the loudmouth trap. There is no way to avoid it. We need to make mistakes. We need to learn from those mistakes. But what if we don't learn? Alas, again, poor Yorick. My guess is he went home from his disastrous performance thinking he hit it out of the park. Yorick, if you're reading this, here are a few quick pointers:
- Listen to yourself for use of the "I" word or "me" word. One or the other is a sure indication you need to reel yourself in fast.
- Only venture an opinion when asked. As a general rule, speak only when every molecule in the room has stopped moving.
- Don't hijack other people's conversations. Resist at all times the urge to jump in and talk.
- Always remember, the object of conversation is to get others to talk, not you. Practice-practice-practice at encouraging others to speak.
Finally: When it comes to learning and relearning conversational skills, we are all novices. We are all going to make mistakes. We are all going to come across as jerks. The only difference between a person who comes across as a jerk and a real jerk is the former learns from his mistakes. Go. Make lots of mistakes. Learn ...
