The lighter side of breast cancer-my experience with breast cancer.

Cancer is not funny, of course, but I wanted to show everyone the "lighter" side of it. People keep telling me that my sense of humor and positive attitude is what saves me. What am I supposed to do....I can't change it and if I let it get me down (not that I haven't had my moments....which I deserve) than I'm letting it win. And I do not like to lose!

There has truly been some crazy times during this battle. Pain meds. for example. My kids always knew when mommy was going to need a kiss good night by the spacey grin on my face and stoned look in my eyes. Or at Christmas time when I got all the wrapping stuff out and informed Tom that the "Halloween" stuff was ready for him. Of course there was the time, after my 2nd surgery, when I couldn't bend over to shave my legs (before I lost my hair) so I asked Tom if he could "shave my boobs" for me. What? Boobs, legs-same thing :-). I recently watched the video I took on Christmas day. I thought I was acting perfectly fine but the video evidence finds me repeating phrases 3 and 4 times as though I never said them :-).

Than there's chemo brain. Nevermind forgetting where you put things.....how about forgetting what you were saying - mid sentence - BAM! It's gone. You have absolutely no idea what you were just talking about and it was friggin' important dammit!

Your appearance after all this! Now THAT'S a joke. First there are the surgeries: Talk about lop-sided. We all know that I'm "endowed"..and everyone has one side bigger than the other BUT....nothing like this. I find myself cocking my head to one side when I look in the mirror nude. It's less work though; I don't have to spend as much time stuffing one of my boobs into a DD cup. Oh, and even if I get a reduction to match my reduction....the dye they injected into me has left 3 permanent blue marks on my "girl". I call them my "Great Lakes Tattoos". Sexy hah?! They're not done though...I think I'm going to tattoo the rest like mountains! Than of course there's all the scars from the 3 surgeries: lumpectomies, lymphnode dissection and power port installation. I call them battle wounds and I think they're cool. I imagine myself ripping off my clothes with a cute guy comparing scars (What movie was that in?). And lastly...the chemo. Actually, while I was on the chemo. I had the best skin I've ever had. Too bad they couldn't put it in a cream. And I certainly didn't miss shaving....talk about smooth. Too bad they couldn't put that in a cream too! However, I lost my 36" long curly hair (yes, I measured it). It's coming back now though. Pretty soon my hair will be as long as my boys! Oh, and it has the most beautiful silver hightlights! If I was petite, I would actually stop wearing a scarf and try to pass as Demi Moore. But unfortunately I look more like Demi on steroids. The butch commando...give me some camo pants & I'd scare the crap out of those Iranians! I have a new song..."I'm too sexy for my hair, that's why it isn't there" I'd strip to it and put it on "You Tube" for you but I don't want to show off my "Great Lakes Tattoos" until they're done.....that and the chemo. and meds. made me gain 20 lbs....MOO! Now, I'm still getting treatments, radiation, which seems to be adding to my tan. I know you're all jealous of how I get such a dark tan every year. However, it is burning my skin and causing it to break open in the treatment area which is generally covered by clothes except under my arm. That's where it's the most raw and gross and of course I can't use "regular" deoderant. Actually, I could probably use this to my advantage at the gym. Sometimes Cody meets me there, so if I want to save the elypticle machine next to me, I can just raise up my arm, pretending to stretch, and scare them away!

Oh so much to tell, so little space. LASTLY, to any of my girlfriends approaching menopause........I don't want to hear it. Hot flashes? I had 2-day long hot flashes...you should be happy you're not menstruating anymore. Take the money you save on tampons and Midol and buy yourself a handheld mini-fan and an iced coffee.