I was about to fall asleep when my mom walked into my room and sat down on my bed. "I have something to tell you," she said. "I went to the hospital and they told me I have Breast Cancer."
"Okay," I said. And that was it. She put her hand on my shoulder and just sat there with me on my bed. It was night and in that little one-window room, it was dark. Light filtered vaguely onto her back from the hall and I was on my side facing the wall. I couldn't see her, but if I could've I'm sure she would have appeared as a silhouette against the light from my door; no features just her outline. I think she was scared.
At that time, I was young but plenty old enough to understand everything I was told. I knew random medical facts and probably had a good idea of the consequences of different diagnoses. I knew things. But even then, in high school, everything was so solid. Yes, something bad could happen but it wouldn't because it was my mom; not someone on television. We weren't talking about someone on the news here.
So after a few minutes she left. She just squeezed my shoulder a bit and left, and then I turned over. My mind wasn't going fast. I wasn't scared. I quickly reasoned that in this day and age they would be able to solve something like this. I lived in a house near Dartmouth College and we had easy access to their state of the art hospital: The Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center. They would take care of it, I thought.
But really, that night, despite its pure subtlety, an event occurred in my room that would change my life in ways far beyond what my high school brain could imagine. But that night, precisely because of its subtlety, I went to sleep like any other. For years later, I wouldn't understand the full implications of the little shoulder squeeze, or the moments after when she sat silently behind me, but I would start to feel them just days later when people started asking the question. "How's your mom?"




Hi Nik,
Well, what a nice surprise -- the son of our infamous PJ Hamel, right here in our community -- a community that, by all means, would not be same without your mom. What you've written here, the touching story you've started to tell, is proof that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Your mom is one of the most amazing women I know. She has a heart and mind and soul like no other. After reading every single one of her SharePosts over the years, here's one of my favorites -- a testament to how far she's come, how wise she is, and how deeply she gives to others:
The View from Six Years Out
http://www.healthcentral.com/breast-cancer/c/78/20581/view-years
In this post, your mom writes:
"Since [I was diagnosed with cancer], I've felt my life divide in half, like a cookbook falling open at a favorite recipe: Before Cancer, and After Cancer. Before Cancer, I was focused on getting ahead at work; stress meant standing in line at the supermarket. After Cancer, standing in line anywhere became a welcome moment of relaxation and people-watching. And I found my true calling -- helping other women through cancer.
So, this is for all of you women out there experiencing the kick-in-the-gut shock of diagnosis, or currently going through the long slog of treatment, or finding your way through a new and confusing post-treatment world. There IS life after cancer -- lots of life. Never doubt it."
In a strange yet wonderful way, breast cancer was indeed your mom's "calling." And look, now it's yours, too -- through her.
I look forward to reading the rest of your "story" in October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Great to have you with us, Nik. I know your mom is very proud.
Best,
Maria
Thanks,
Well your not the only one excited to see me step up and follow in my moms footsteps. I myself am excited as well to tell my story. Ive already got a few more sections written biding there time to be posted in the future for all to read.
My only concern is getting enough to read them... Thanks for the welcome.
Nikolai