Thursday, February 16, 2012
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My Mom Has Breast Cancer: The Day She Was Diagnosed

I was about to fall asleep when my mom walked into my room and sat down on my bed. "I have something to tell you," she said. "I went to the hospital and they told me I have Breast Cancer."


"Okay," I said. And that was it. She put her hand on my shoulder and just sat there with me on my bed. It was night and in that little one-window room, it was dark. Light filtered vaguely onto her back from the hall and I was on my side facing the wall. I couldn't see her, but if I could've I'm sure she would have appeared as a silhouette against the light from my door; no features just her outline. I think she was scared.


At that time, I was young but plenty old enough to understand everything I was told. I knew random medical facts and probably had a good idea of the consequences of different diagnoses. I knew things. But even then, in high school, everything was so solid. Yes, something bad could happen but it wouldn't because it was my mom; not someone on television. We weren't talking about someone on the news here.


So after a few minutes she left. She just squeezed my shoulder a bit and left, and then I turned over. My mind wasn't going fast. I wasn't scared. I quickly reasoned that in this day and age they would be able to solve something like this. I lived in a house near Dartmouth College and we had easy access to their state of the art hospital: The Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center. They would take care of it, I thought.

 

But really, that night, despite its pure subtlety, an event occurred in my room that would change my life in ways far beyond what my high school brain could imagine. But that night, precisely because of its subtlety, I went to sleep like any other. For years later, I wouldn't understand the full implications of the little shoulder squeeze, or the moments after when she sat silently behind me, but I would start to feel them just days later when people started asking the question. "How's your mom?"

 

My Mom Has Breast Cancer

 

9/25/08 12:17am

Hi Nik,

 

Well, what a nice surprise -- the son of our infamous PJ Hamel, right here in our community -- a community that, by all means, would not be same without your mom. What you've written here, the touching story you've started to tell, is proof that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

 

Your mom is one of the most amazing women I know. She has a heart and mind and soul like no other. After reading every single one of her SharePosts over the years, here's one of my favorites -- a testament to how far she's come, how wise she is, and how deeply she gives to others:

 

The View from Six Years Out

http://www.healthcentral.com/breast-cancer/c/78/20581/view-years

 

In this post, your mom writes:

 

"Since [I was diagnosed with cancer], I've felt my life divide in half, like a cookbook falling open at a favorite recipe: Before Cancer, and After Cancer. Before Cancer, I was focused on getting ahead at work; stress meant standing in line at the supermarket. After Cancer, standing in line anywhere became a welcome moment of relaxation and people-watching. And I found my true calling -- helping other women through cancer.

So, this is for all of you women out there experiencing the kick-in-the-gut shock of diagnosis, or currently going through the long slog of treatment, or finding your way through a new and confusing post-treatment world. There IS life after cancer -- lots of life. Never doubt it."

 

In a strange yet wonderful way, breast cancer was indeed your mom's "calling." And look, now it's yours, too -- through her.

 

I look forward to reading the rest of your "story" in October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Great to have you with us, Nik. I know your mom is very proud.

 

Best,

Maria

 

 

 

10/ 1/08 11:26am

Thanks,

Well your not the only one excited to see me step up and follow in my moms footsteps. I myself am excited as well to tell my story. Ive already got a few more sections written biding there time to be posted in the future for all to read.

My only concern is getting enough to read them... Thanks for the welcome.

Nikolai

Anonymous
Taylor Glaze
9/30/08 7:39am

Thank you Niki from another Mom.  When I told my 3 sons, who were about the age you were at the time, that I had breast cancer none of us new what was about to happen.  The boys were all in high-school and soccer and baseball were top priority after school work.  There had never been much time for them to consider their chauffeur, cook, housekeeper,confident, and head cheerleader's health.  Life did change, as much as they were unprepared to see, they saw.  Mike fainted when he walked into my hospital room after my first surgery.  He was planning to go to medical school, so that really surprised him!  When its "your Mom" everything changes.

It has been 17 years, I recovered, the boys completed college, Mike is a biology teacher (good choice) and we all grew and learned valuable life lessons.  I thank God and my friends for saving me in so many ways, but the love and support of my three sons and the hope for their future inspired me.  Thank you Niki for being the good son to your Mom - it's what we live for.  Taylor Glaze, Killington Vermont

10/ 1/08 11:34am

Congradulations on 17 cancer free years! I'm always excited to hear that other people had the same experience as I did. When you are in the situation (on either side of the cancer) you always feel alone. Then later you relize how silly that feeling was considering the number of people right along side you. 'All those people in the hospital, when you go to visit, aren't there for fun' I used to tell myself but that still doesn't seem to help when your in the moment. But now looking back on it your 3 sons experiences are somehow just as exciting to me as mine, because in a backwards kind of way, they are my experiences too.

Thanks for the support

Nikolai

10/ 1/08 6:02am

My son was in high school and my daughter was in college when I was diagnosed ten years ago.  Although we've been able to talk about it a little since I've recovered and they've grown up, I'm sure there's much they went through that I don't understand.  Reading your first two pieces has really helped me.  I'm looking forward to the whole series.

10/ 1/08 11:37am

Well by all means, please keep reading, there is a lot to come. And tell your freinds about the posts as well. Breast Cancer isn't an exclusive disease. People from all walks of life get it, so we all need to know eachothers experiences. My only regrets would be that we all dont have the same opportunity I have to tell our stories on an international scale. Thanks for your support

Nikolai

10/ 2/08 3:00pm

Hi, I know what your mom must have felt, I had to tell my son that I had br. cancer when he was 17, he took it matter of factly. Then told me it will be alright because of all the new treatments out there. although I know he was terrified. later we were finally able to cry together, that was in 2006. I pray that everything we'll be okay for your family and mine.

                                                 Donna

10/17/08 10:42am

Well if that was in 2006, you've been given over 600 more days with your family, and hopefully thousands more to come. So in truth everything has already turned out great for the both of our families. I love thinking of things like that in those terms!

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