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The Universality of Breast Cancer

By Nikolai Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Well it's nearing the end of the month, my story could go on forever but it's probably best I find a place to leave it off. Breast Cancer Awareness Month was a huge success as far as I'm concerned.

 

Many new voices in the community have been popping up over the past year and they've proven to be both insightful and universal. The first step to finding a cure to breast cancer, or any cancer for that matter, is to get people excited about it.

 

If only the directly effected care, then nothing will get done. However, when we can convince people who don't seem to be connected with the disease that it is important for them to care, then we will have a trampoline to boost us over that first major hurdle.


Breast Cancer is devious, destructive, heart breaking, and beautiful. The moment a woman is able to step away from herself, and realize she has more life left in however many months, years or decades than in the rest of her life leading up to that point, is one of the most beautiful in her life. I witnessed that moment in my mom, PJ Hamel.

 

I was able to see from an outside perspective what true transformation really looks like. When I was young my mom made herself lunch, and on her way out to the dining room table from the kitchen, she dropped it on the floor. Her face turned bright red, she said a myriad of words not worth repeating here, and then she topped off the tantrum by magnificently tossing a chair clear across the room. Needless to say a blowup like this seems impossible now.


We all have our struggles in life. I have traveled to Africa and seen people that could make a BC survivor's flesh crawl. And yet when we are in any situation we tend to see only the horrible problems we are facing. It really doesn't matter that someone else has worse problems, because they aren't us. And of course this truth is universal for everyone and every dilemma. In Accra, Ghana I saw a man, bleeding from third degree burns covering his entire body, face, and hands, get out of a wheel chair and walk across the dirt ground in nothing but sandals to go see the dermatologist, who was only available on Tuesdays.

 

Trust me there is always someone worse off, but that does not mean a person diagnosed with BC doesn't have to face death just the same as everyone else; which, in a way, just goes to show the universality of breast cancer. Since we all live and die, it becomes a BC survivors job to show the rest of us how.

 

10/30/08 11:42pm

Nik,

 

Another great post. You indeed have your mother's gifts -- many of them.

 

Best,

Maria

 

12/29/08 9:48pm

Nikolai, I've just finished reading your posts and I wanted to say thank you for your generosity in giving time and so much of yourself. Forgive the teacher in me when I say that your writing is fantastic and I was much moved by what you had to say. It seems to me that both you AND your mum have grown through her time as a BC fighter.

 

What you said has also resonated with me as I, too, have sons. My younger son, who is 22, had some difficulty when I told him the news of my diagnosis in October and barely spoke to me for a week. When he finally did speak, it was to ask me for a lift to work! However, in the car, we did manage to have a heart-to-heart and came closer to understanding how each of us could help the other. Your shareposts have given me a glimpse of what might be going on in his head and heart.

 

I do think you should consider putting your writings together into a book and seeking a publisher. What you have written should be read by an even wider audience than those who use this community. Many people still struggle with the emotional side of cancer and if you have a gift for reflecting on this - and I think you do - then how wonderful to share that and reach out to others.

 

Thank you again and have a Happy New Year.

 

Sue

12/29/08 10:17pm

Thankyou. Its funny really; I'm just graduating college this comming spring and am an aspiring writer. However, I really dont have a good idea of what to write about, but from the generally positive resonse to my posts, I was thinking a good starting place would be the blogs I've done for healthcentral. I'm glad to hear you were able to corner your son in the car, the first few words are always the toughest!

Best wishes.

Nikolai

12/29/08 11:56pm

All encouragement to you Nikolai. The posts would be an excellent start and they really illustrate the truth of the belief that you should write about what you know. My advice would be to think about who the book is intended to reach and what, overall, would you like to say to them. My feeling is that it would specifically interest anyone going through the cancer battle and those around them. But I also think it would have value for others. A good story, well told, will always do that. It will also have the "novelty" of being written by a man. Women write this kind of thing all the time. Keep it honest, don't overwrite it and don't overtell your story.

 

I'm doing a touch of writing myself about my breast cancer experience, putting down my thoughts about what is happening as it happens. It's proving to be great therapy and a way of occupying my time while I'm on extended sick leave. I'm trying to focus on the things that appeal to my weird sense of humour and plan on calling it "If Life were a Cartoon".

 

I was discussing this with my son the other day and he actually said that if you can start with a blog it's a good thing to show a literary agent when you're trying to get published.

 

Anyway - good luck and if you want to set up some mutual criticism outside this forum, let me know. apart from fighting cancer, I don't have a lot on my agenda during the next few months!

 

Best wishes

 

Sue

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By Nikolai— Last Modified: 12/20/10, First Published: 10/29/08