I had to laugh when I read PJ's SharePost about using my cancer card....it is such a great post I hope everyone reads it.

Cancer does bring appreciation to ones life, but I guess I am still too new to find time to look at the good. The bad still follows me around like a stray pet I cannot get rid of. Everyday when I open the mailbox I am reminded of the bills I owe. Heck I don't even open them anymore, just throw them in the old trash compactor...Maybe I should try recycling them. I mean the hospitals have probably killed several trees to send me all those notices.

Thursday is back for the check up day.....A day all of us dread. I love my oncologist, but I always dread the visit. As I pull up in the parking lot of the cancer center I remember I practically lived there last summer. I cannot believe it has been a year since my diagnosis, not that the time flew....I just forgot some of it...ha ha....

We all know that chemobrain is not something we make up, and it still affects me from time to time. Don't get me wrong, my memory has improved, but I still set things down and have no idea where I put them.

The worst thing I did was change one of my passwords and secret questions for my main email address during chemo....so guess what I have NO IDEA what they are...I had to open a new email address just because of this....that is really sad, but a great example of the fog we walk through during the treatment process.

I started taking my tamoxifen again since my teaching is over for the year, so I feel like crud today.....I know this drug can help me stay alive, but 5 years sounds sooooo long. Chemo was short lived and even radiation did not seem too bad....8 weeks...I could do that, but 5 years.....oh boy that sounds long....

I am hoping after a few weeks some of the side effects of the tamoxifen will diminish and I wll feel better. So cross your fingers and toes for me.

I see my pain doctor the first of June, and I am going to ask to try something different. My darn copays on my medications are killing me.....

So summer is upon me, and today I am vegged on the couch. I deserve a day of rest. My poor house looks like a tornado hit it....actually cancer did....I could only keep up with the minimal amount of laundry and cleaning while trying to work full time so it is time to get this place cleaned and organized...I say this with great enthusiasm as I am sitting on the couch....Get up Get up.....maybe tomorrow..

I need to hit the dentist this summer too, chemo and radiation were not kind to my teeth and I lost a few and have a few more in grave danger....I HATE the dentist....it seems silly to be scared of dental procedures after battling cancer, but scared I am.

My feelings are still too raw to be processed and be totally grateful. I can still clearly remember how I felt after chemo. My doctor had told me the worst part of chemo would be the waiting while it was administered, somehow I think he forgot something......