i found out today that my mom has breast cancer. my little sister called and told me during school. i couldnt stop crying all day and there was noone there to ask me what was wrong or console me because i have no friends. im already so lonely i cant live without my mother. i cant do anything without mommy. im so afraid im gona lose her. i have noone to talk to.
Dear Maya,
Finding out a loved one has bc is tough. My daughter was on a school related trip four states away when I called her with the news. My son was six, so he didn't fully understand.
I am now one year out and okay. Treatment is not fun, but the good news is that treatment works in so many cases, even late stage.
You said school, so I think you should go to your school counselor and get his/her recommendation for local support groups. Call your local American Society of Cancer and ask their suggestions for support services. There are a lot of places that offer free group meetings for family members. Please seek these out.
Your mom is going to go through a tough time and the more support you can find on your own, the better able you will be to help her. And believe it or not, being able to help her, will actually make the process easier on you. According to my family and friends being able to assist me made them feel useful and thus, made it easier on them.
You might feel better if you make a list of the little things you can do for her, like change her sheets more often so she rests better. Fix her a glass of iced water at night so she has it by her bedside. My six year old took it upon himself to toss a throw over my feet whenever I sat down to watch tv. (Believe me that was one of the most heartwarming things that kept my spirits up.)
I'm not suggesting you overtax yourself, but find a few little comfort things you can do quickly that will make you both feel better. I know it helped me that I had family who could run to the store for small shoppings when I was feeling tired. (Keep chicken noodle soup and crackers on hand.)
This probably isn't the most comforting or cheery reply you will get, but I tend to lean toward the practical. Also, I'm available if you need someone to listen.
Most of us have kids and we KNOW it was hard on them. But take heart, most of us are still here to be moms to our kids. My prayer is that yours will be too.
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Maya, I'm sorry that you got the news about your mom's breast cancer at school. I hope by now you have had a chance to talk to her directly to get more information. Breast cancer is a serious illness and the treatments may make your mom feel bad, but most breast cancer patients these days find their cancer in its early stage and may need just surgery to get well. The vast majority of breast cancer patients survive to be old ladies. Even people like me who are diagnosed with more advanced cancers can live a long time. My children were still in school when I was diagnosed ten years ago. I know my illness was stressful for them, but we all got through it together, and I'm fine now. A great resource for you would be reading Nik Hamel's posts. He's been writing about what it was like for him when his mother had breast cancer.