Going Through the Second Round of Chemotherapy
Doug's Intro: The following message comes at the end of our Halfway point for the second round of chemo the doctors prescribed. Most of Keri's messages to date have been uplifting and positive, but at this time the burden of Cancer, sickness, frustration, and just an overall "I want to be done" are starting to kick in.
Keri and I always tried our best to support one another during our good days and our bad, and there will be bad days. This round of Chemo was not supposed to happen. As you have read in prior Posts, we were suppose to be on the road to recovery and getting on in our lives and I think that realization finally caught up with the both of us as you can read below.
Keri states if perfectly when she says Cancer wasn't in our life picture, but when is it ever, all we can do is drive on, fight the battle, and rely on those who have been there from the beginning and those we meet along the way. There will be days of struggle and days of questions, be honest with one another and don't let things build up, talk about what's bothering you and let those you love and trust talk back, the only problem that can be solved is the problem that's identified.
Subject: Half way there
Sent: Friday, September 23, 2005 1:02 PM
I kind of like how I can do this whole type one email thing and send it to like a million people. Sure does cut down on the arthritis in the hands.
Well, I had my second treatment yesterday. That makes me half way done. Two down two more to go. This one went about as well as the first one. A little different though.
Now with there being three weeks between treatments I get my blood count checked a week after the treatment at a check up and then now I get it checked right before the next treatment. So they checked my blood count before they gave me any drugs yesterday, which was a good thing.
My blood count was just getting out of normal and into low so the doctor lowered my dosage on some of the drugs so as to keep it from going too low. Of course if it does get too low they do have a shot they can give me, but that was what caused all the achyness last time and I'd like to avoid that as much as possible.
So other than lowering my dosage things seem to be the same as the first time. I still am not sleeping through these treatments so I worked on my craft that I can do in my lap. That helps make the time go by faster.
Doug still comes with me every time. He tries his hardest to make me laugh and keep things light. I'm so glad he does that. Otherwise it could be a very lonely and depressing experience. I was kind of sad yesterday and really not wanting to be there so it did work as well as usual, but everyone has their good and bad days.
This round seems to be following the same pattern in regards to side effects. I didn't really feel much after the first treatment, but get just one more treatment in and the side effects start barging in.
I am losing my hair again. Not that I had a full head of hair grow back already, but it's still sad. It was growing in very dark brown and nicely thick. I guess now it may do the same next time or it may do something different, who knows?
I've also noticed already this morning that things are starting to not taste right again. I sort of have this dedication not to go back to my soup diet that I went on last time so I guess tasting good or not I still have to eat. Oh well I know it all comes back it just really sucks while it's gone.
So this part of the update will be a little different than usual. I know I always try to send you updates on positive days, but sometimes those are hard to come by.
I guess part of what I'm supposed to learn from this whole situation is to slow down and be more patient with my life. See this is not how things were supposed to turn out. This wasn't in my plan. I had it all figured out. Or at least I thought I did.
The plan was: get married, move to Florida, get a job, enjoy married life a little while, have first kid. So Cancer wasn't really in my plan and sometimes I feel like it's taking too big a chunk out of my life. I have never in my life been "sick" for this long of an amount of time. It really sucks.
I want to go back to work because I'm going stir crazy at home, but I fear going back to work and having too many days that I feel like crap and can't make it to work. Just wasn't supposed to work out this way. I really do appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers that help me get through these days.
I don't know what I would do without Doug being here to listen to all my complaints, especially since I wait until they build up nicely and I explode before I tell him what's bothering me. I guess that's another lesson I need to learn is to not try to keep those complaints held in so long. Just seems sometimes like a burden on others since I know everyone has things going on in their own lives that they need to be concerned about.
Well, I know God is making me go through this for a reason and sometimes I can pick out those little reasons, but the big one still eludes me. I'm sure I'll figure it out someday. I know he's not giving me anything I can't handle, but boy I didn't know I could handle this much.Keri's sends her love & appreciation to Doug for his support
Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers. I wish there was a way for me to properly thank you all for the continued support. I only know to tell you how grateful I am to have you and that I am indebted to you all for it. It's time for me to find some lunch. I hope you all are doing well and that things are running smoothly in your lives. Take care and I'll be emailing again soon.