Don't Call Me "Honey"

By Mary Blocksma Tuesday, April 03, 2007

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The family member stood numb with disbelief. I dared not interfere, even though we both knew that the patient had been, only days before, articulate, dignified, and in possession of all faculties, including hearing. But when I later officially complained—hardly knowing where to begin, so many boundaries had been violated—the director showed no surprise. Apparently this happened all the time, but no one had dared intrude.

My brother, a nursing school student at Michigan State University, told me that nurses today are schooled in courtesy, communication, and ethics, and if he’d witnessed such a scene, he’d be professionally required to report it. I thank him for making me feel a little less cranky.

And let me be sure to say how deeply grateful I am to the many medical folk who have treated me kindly, and even those who haven’t. Teachers and nurses are national heroes in my book, whatever they call me, and a couple of them, of whom I have grown immensely fond (Joanie and Peggy, you know who you are), can call me anything they like.

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Comments (3) | Add comment

Anonymous

4/ 4/07 5:01am

i am a 5 yr survivor. while i understand where you come from, i have also dealt with doctors and nurses talking to me about my diabetes. because i cannot get it under control, they talk to me like i am a complete idiot, talking AT me, not TO me. i'd love it if they would have said honey or dear to me. buh bye Kaiser, back to Health Net i go!

Mary Blocksma

4/ 4/07 8:45am

Thanks so much for your comment. I think we actually agree. My complaint was about the lack of respectful, courteous communicating a listening skills in the medical community, and the misuse of endearments was simply one example. You made my point—you also were treated without sensitivity, and people like you don't get help. I'm so sorry to hear of your experience.

So how can we insure that this doesn't happen to you again? How can we make our medical community, whom we admire and on whom our lives depend, develop better communication skills? Any ideas?

Esther Kowalski

4/ 5/07 3:39pm

I agree to a certain extent, there are some times they sound a bit ridiculous but as long as they are seeing to my needs and respecting me in other ways, I tend to overlook those who call me honey, etc. The reference to "we instead of me", I find more annoying. I do think, though, that to those who really find it offensive, it is a perfectly good idea to make it known how you want to be addressed. Being in ill health is hard enough to bear without having to put up with something that really does annoy you.

I was a CNA doing home health for quite awhile and I always got to know my patients before ever calling them something other than their actual name. There were some elderly patients that actually liked to be called honey or dear, but I never did that unless I really knew them well.

IT IS AN INTERESTING TOPIC FOR ALL TO THINK ABOUT. THE FORM IDEA MIGHT VERY WELL BE A GREAT IDEA FOR SOME.

Don't Call Me "Honey"

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