When I found out that Elizabeth Edwards had not gone for routine mammograms and her tumor size was 9 centimeters, my first thought was, Hey, haven’t I already observed that self-sacrifice usually backfires? (A PJ Hamel post expands this thought wisely.)
My next thought was, Yikes! We've been dealing with this story for almost three years! How much more don’t I know? Am I spinning the news for drama? Am I becoming one of those people who advises strangers struggling with dicey dilemmas?
I suggested in an earlier post that John Edwards shouldn’t try to deal with a presidential campaign as well as his wife’s challenges. I still feel that way, but so what? It’s none of my business, and I made that call without even knowing the diagnosis. I’ll bet there’s plenty more missing data. I’ll bet if we knew all the factors the Edwards must contend with, we’d all be stunned into silence.
Perhaps needing something to blame is what has gotten me so involved in this case. We all want to know what causes breast cancer. If we can just blame something for Mrs. Edwards’ diagnosis and relapse, perhaps we can protect ourselves against a similar fate. Mrs. Edwards, a sympathetic public figure, is going to attract strong projections, especially from me: She and I were diagnosed on the same day. Her relapse has made me feel painfully vulnerable, and I confess that I was relieved when I found that her tumor was so much bigger than mine.
But we don’t know yet what causes breast cancer. All we have are “high risk factors”, such high fat diets, stress, extended hormone replacement therapy, lack of exercise and lack of routine breast cancer screening, all of which applied to me, and all of which I have remedied. They are important, for sure, but there is still no sure way to protect ourselves.
I’m having a hard enough time deciding what to do for myself; please, don’t let me, ever again, no matter how tempted I am, presume to make those judgments for someone else. Unless, of course, I'm asked! Sought-after advice can be extremely useful; uninvited advice, like self-sacrifice, usually backfires.
My next thought was, Yikes! We've been dealing with this story for almost three years! How much more don’t I know? Am I spinning the news for drama? Am I becoming one of those people who advises strangers struggling with dicey dilemmas?
I suggested in an earlier post that John Edwards shouldn’t try to deal with a presidential campaign as well as his wife’s challenges. I still feel that way, but so what? It’s none of my business, and I made that call without even knowing the diagnosis. I’ll bet there’s plenty more missing data. I’ll bet if we knew all the factors the Edwards must contend with, we’d all be stunned into silence.
Perhaps needing something to blame is what has gotten me so involved in this case. We all want to know what causes breast cancer. If we can just blame something for Mrs. Edwards’ diagnosis and relapse, perhaps we can protect ourselves against a similar fate. Mrs. Edwards, a sympathetic public figure, is going to attract strong projections, especially from me: She and I were diagnosed on the same day. Her relapse has made me feel painfully vulnerable, and I confess that I was relieved when I found that her tumor was so much bigger than mine.
But we don’t know yet what causes breast cancer. All we have are “high risk factors”, such high fat diets, stress, extended hormone replacement therapy, lack of exercise and lack of routine breast cancer screening, all of which applied to me, and all of which I have remedied. They are important, for sure, but there is still no sure way to protect ourselves.
I’m having a hard enough time deciding what to do for myself; please, don’t let me, ever again, no matter how tempted I am, presume to make those judgments for someone else. Unless, of course, I'm asked! Sought-after advice can be extremely useful; uninvited advice, like self-sacrifice, usually backfires.
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Maybe I’ll Try A Support Group After All
