Looking for Libido: Sex and Intimacy After Breast Cancer Treatment

Can a partner be taught seduction “techniques”, including tenderness, playfulness, and patience? Some can. The best book I’ve ever seen on this subject, respectfully written with humor and sensitivity, is Guide to Getting It On, by Paul Joannides. Get it for your partner. Get it for yourself. (We may not be able to change our partners, but we can change ourselves.)

And finally, apply liberally! Sex is so much better with lubricant that even resisting partners (some take the need for lubricant as an implication of inadequacy) are soon convinced. I started with Astro-Glide years ago, when that was the only alternative to then-awful KY jelly. Astro-Glide was kept behind the counter of only certain drug stores and I had to ask for it. These days I prefer Wet, which, in my town, I find only at Rite Aid. Replens (expensive but worth it), used between times or during long dry periods, keeps things expectant. So get thee to the pharmacy, where lubricants are usually, these days, shelved with the condoms.

I can’t speak for the effects of chemotherapy, but I do know that there are countless ways for partners to play, physically and sexually, in addition to, and even instead of, intercourse. So hey, life is short. Go for it!