Cancer's back and a sneeze broke my back!

I was diagnosed almost one year ago today.  My dearest and longest friend dropped out of my life completely.  She told me she just didn't know how to handle this.  My calls to her were not returned and emails ignored.  I saw her only once during 9 long months of treatment.  If she had called and told me she had cancer, I would have been on her doorstep within minutes but she was a no-show.  To say my heart was broken wouldn't even begin to describe it.  It was and still is like going through a paintful divorce.  It took a long time to deal with the feelings of betrayal and I still find it hard to think about.

My sister, to my surprise, came to most of my chemo visits and a long-lost friend who had dealt with her own BC also listened when I needed a shoulder.  It seems like people don't believe that bad things will happen to them one day, and don't consider that someday they too will need the support of loyal friendship to get them through rough times.  Or maybe they have their own reasons for moving on that they don't want to share.  Whatever it is, you need to decide that you are going to guard your heart, just like you are going to guard your body.  Make new friends (maybe other survivors) and treat anyone who sticks by you like gold. Those who were not there for you, don't give them another moments grief.  You have enough to deal with.  Don't let them hurt you more than you are already hurting.

Mary - I hope you continue to heal from this. You're right, you have to take car of yourself. Maybe someday this friend will come back into your life, asking forgiveness (or not) - and I hope you'll be able to find it in your heart to take her back. Sometimes broken friendships, mended, are even stornger than they were. Good luck - PJH

Thanks, you are right.  I know that they are afraid, especially those who were there the first time around.  I know that the drugs I'm taking (zoladex) make me VERY hormonal and I just can't control myself.  Knowing all this helps, but I am still disappointed in their behavior.  I hope that I would never let them go through this alone and I feel llike they are letting me do this alone.  I'll get over this, but right now they have let me down.

So sorry you feel let down. How are things now?

You know, everyone rallied around me two weeks ago, then my surgery was cancelled, and now it is happening on Friday, and everyone is done rallying...it was kind of like a birthday...yay! Be Brave...now it's over. 

I don't feel let down though, because I know how busy I have been and I called a bunch of people I haven't spoken to in a long time and they were busy, but stayed a while. I am now worried because my Hubby has to work the week of my lumpectomy, and I will be home alone. I really don't know how bad my pain will be, or what I will need...if i will be hungry at all, or what.

But I think all in all, I can't ask for my friends that have kids and families, and jobs to be calling me...even though I really do want them to be around. Well. I hope you can blog more about your experience. I really love reading everyone's stories on here. I am here...

Fair Better,

Peglove.