I really hadn't intended to run on this long  but it turns out to have been a long story!

Thanks for listening ­ and again, thanks for being there for me!       Jean

 ( P.S. written on February 15^th, 2002: I ended up with a virus, fever, respiratory stuff a few days after writing the first part of this.  It took a good two weeks to fully recover so I re-scheduled the appointment in Salt Lake to March 1^st. The Olympics got in the way!

A few more comments: except when dressing/undressing in front of the bathroom mirror I really don't think about this much.  When I see my reflection it's "Oh, yeah, my anatomy is different now!"

I've wondered about why I am not upset by all this. One thing that came up:  as a kid I was such a "tom boy" and it really "pissed me off" that I was a girl!  So here's this one flat side!  I told my doctor that I found it interesting to stand in the shower and look down at my "androgenous body" - female on one side and male on the other!  She asked if I knew about a particular group of Amazon women warriors who routinely cut off one breast because it got in the way when using a bow and arrow!  They were highly revered women. I had not heard about them!

 I was asked by a couple of women I know in health care professions if I'd like to attend a cancer support group that meets every two weeks at our hospital.  I didn't personally feel the need to go, but was curious, and also wondered if my experience might be helpful to others.  I've been one time.  It was a sobering experience. I guess about a dozen people were there.  They were in all stages of recovery or suffering, all stages of treatment or finished with treatment, and all stages of uncertainty about their lives and their futures.

 I came away from there with a lot of empathy for them, and feeling so very grateful and fortunate for where I am at this particular time in my life. 

 There is absolutely no guarantee that I won't at some time in the future have cancer occur somewhere else in my body.  But the way I look at it is this:  I had some cancerous tissue.  It was removed.  That's it.

I could walk out of my house today and get run over by a truck.  None of us has any idea what the future holds for us.  I am not going to waste my time and energy worrying about the "what ifs"- ---- "what if I get cancer again somewhere down the road" --- No, it doesn't make any sense at all to give that kind of thinking any energy, and there is too much important stuff to be attending to in my life!

Posted by Barbara Lee