Breast Cancer Husbands: The First 48 Hours

Be mindful that men and women generally communicate differently. Women often express their feelings more openly. When your loved one is talking, listen intently before offering a response. Sometimes she only wants you to hear how she feels and is asking for support, not advice.  A simple hug and the words “I understand and will always be here for you” is all the response that is needed. I think that establishing open and honest communication throughout the experience helps both the caregiver and the patient.

3) Educate Yourself:  Most male caregivers have no idea what to expect when their loved one is told that she has breast cancer. And, in fact, your wife or girlfriend may have incomplete information about breast cancer treatment as well. A new study published this week by the nonprofit CancerCare indicates that while awareness of breast cancer is strong, with 76 percent of women surveyed saying they knew a "fair amount" about breast cancer, less than a quarter of women ages 50 to 65 knew about newer breast cancer therapies beyond chemo and radiation.

It is imperative that the caregivers learn as much about the disease as possible in a very short period of time. There are hundreds of sites on the Internet devoted to this subject. You can read my previous SharePost for my recommendations on Internet resources for breast cancer husbands; Expert Patient PJ Hamel also has suggestions on how to use the Internet to find the best breast cancer information and support. Don’t forget that your loved one's cancer treatment facility will have useful brochures and pamphlets to help you better understand breast cancer caregiving. 

You should learn as much as you can about the treatment your loved one will undergo. If possible, take a tape recorder to every meeting that you have with your doctors and ask permission to record the session.

At the very least, I would keep a journal with very detailed notes to include the date, time, type and amount of drugs that your loved one is taking. There is a very good chance that, at some point over the course of treatment, your wife or girlfriend will develop an infection and have to be hospitalized.

With your notes, you can easily tell the attending physician what medication your loved one has taken and when. Finally, you will have to be the one to educate the rest of your family. You will be the one who passes along the information on your loved one’s treatment. It is important to not shield your loved one from your family. They have concerns too.

4 ) Take Care of Yourself:  Regardless of your age and physical condition, as a caregiver you will experience both emotional and physical stress. You will feel shock, anger, fear, sorrow, guilt and maybe even hate just to name a few. If you are a full time employee, you will have to balance your work with taking care of your loved one. Then there are the domestic responsibilities of tending the house, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc. If there are young children at home, they need your attention also. Caregiving is demanding and stressful no matter what the circumstances are.