The Shock of Diagnosis and Stress of Fighting Breast Cancer: A Husband's Emotional Response

We are 3 years and 3 months into this and sometimes I feel like I am more of a mess than she is.  I rarely sleep a full night and often end up sleeping in another room with the tv on and the dogs piled on top of me.  Middle of the night emailing is common.  She is doing really well but cancer this and cancer that remain fairly constant topics.  Expressing these frustrations is nearly impossible, so reading your note was helpful because it so close to home.  Writing is about the only outlet.  I internalize most all of this stuff.  Good job

Hi,

 I do not know were to start, but here gos.

My wife to be had breast cancer and i to am lost in this world of cancer. At times i do not know what to say do or act. I am afraid to hug or evern touch her in fear of it hurting.We are not married yet and do not live together, and that makes it harder.

I have been thier though it all the tests and everything. She is half way done with cemo and doing very well. The hardest part is not being there after and being able to help.I feel so lost and mixed feelings about everything.I love her with all my heart and we still plan on getting married. What i am having trouble with is how do i tell her what i am feeling and also letting her know that i feel lost without her around. To me life without her would be the same.I also cry myself to sleep and that is not much of it. I sit and think of how it was and now how is it going to be. My lifes outlook has changed so much and i am so lost.

I have so much to say but just do not know how to put .Maybe you could help me out with so of the feelings I am going though.

thank you for letting me bend your ear.