PTSD - Post "Treatment" Stress Disorder

I know what you mean... I am all done with chemo aswell. Just having herceptin now and tamoxifen. Just recently started this terrible aching in my hip and straight away I thought oh my god it was in my lymph nodes, what if it spread??? I did have a bone scan done but my treatment went lumpectomy, bone scan, double mastectomy with auxillary clearance and I started thinking what if between the bone scan and the mastectomy it spread. There was 35 days between the two. I go looking for reasons to think it is cancer. Not voluntarily, but my common sense always seems to give way to panick. I recently had a month of the gym as I had swollen feet from taxol and just started back again. Possibly the cause of my sore hip. Also had a bit of a stack in the kitchen the other morning....also another possible cause.....You can really do your head in trying to justify your thinking because on one hand you think you cant panick over every ache and pain, and on the other hand you think you dont want to dismiss something that could potentially be something to worry about. You think to yourself you need to find a "happy medium" and I guess the only thing to do is use your instinct. My decision. I have decided to give this hip a bit of time to heal itself. (I have spoken to a few Drs that seem to not be that concerned). If in a few weeks it is not getting better, or has gotten worse, I will be requesting another bone scan.

Its funny, at the beginning of my journey, I thought "cancer" no way this is going to get me. I am young, I am a fighter and I will beat this. But its not like a cold that knocks you down for a few weeks, this battle goes on for ages. And once the treatment stops it starts a whole new phase of oh my god who is going to look after me now? I a no Dr what if I miss the signs of it spreading and I dont want to die and leave my daughter alone and so many things. It just becomes an obsession. And I think today needs to be my day where I say to myself, enough is enough. What am I trying to live for? If my life is going to be full of worry forever about cancer coming back all the time then what kind of existence is that? I dont want to be dismissive. I dont want to turn my back on it. (Well actually that would be good). But I want to go through a day where I dont think I am riddled with cancer. So my theory. I am going to learn meditation and I already pray heaps and I just want to enjoy life again. I guess we all need to try to make the choice to be happy.

Hi Poteet,

You touch on a very common topic. See:

Fear of Recurrence: Where Do You Stand?

http://www.healthcentral.com/breast-cancer/c/78/23166/fear-stand/

Breast Cancer Recurrence: Is It Back? 

http://www.healthcentral.com/breast-cancer/c/78/13139/cancer-back/

Take good care,

Maria

Poteet,

I don't think there is anyone who has had or been through or going through breast cancer who would say they"ve never feel that scared feeling when they get certain aches or pains and they don't panic or feel afraid. I would think if you didn't feel that you may have been in denial that you ever had breast cancer. However, I can't imagine anyone being able to go through that experience & be able to deny it. It is OK to have those feelings & when I have them I do act on them. I will call my oncologist office and make an appointment. There is a difference between being vigilant, educating yourself on symptoms of reoccurance and letting cancer run your life. My solution is get my butt to the doctor & I insist they check out the things I am worried about so I can go on with my life. My last breast cancer surgery was in October 2003 so maybe you haven't given yourself enough time yet.  I went through many years after that having surgeries cheom growing my hair back etc. before I could feel the way I feel today.

EVERYONE WHO READS ALL THESE POSTS PLEASE REALIZE WE ARE ALL OUR OWN UNIQUE PERSONS & TYPES OF CANCER AND WE ARE ALL AT DIFFERENT STAGES OF DIAGNOSIS TREATMENTS AND RECOVERY!

Sincerely,

Vickie 

I feel like having PTSD is something that although it has a name, a meaning, and a medical reference, I can't use it around my friends because they think I'm making excuses. Excuses as to why I feel a certain way. I'm struggling, not back to work, neuropathy is awful, my eyelashes came back enormous and thick, and are now falling out again. Is it the tamoxifen, is it the stress of not working yet, and searching for a job? Is it the stress of the "I had cancer." on the tip of my tounge when someone DOES say- nice short do, when complimenting my hair? I feel so frazzled.